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“Well, something’s holding you back.” Alex’s eyes narrowed further. “Why do you do that?”
Tae Hyun’s eyebrows fell. “Do what?” Alex nodded toward his hands. He’d started massaging his knuckles again without realizing it. “Oh.” He stopped, shaking his hands out to loosen them. “It’s an old dance practice thing.” He paused, hoping Alex would accept the easy answer, but she gestured for him to continue. He quietly sighed. “When I was a new trainee, my dance instructor used a thin bamboo rod to rap the parts of our body where we’d gotten a move wrong.” He began massaging his knuckles again, not quite purposefully, but at least aware that he was doing it. “I had a lot of trouble with gestures at first. My fingers always seemed to have a mind of their own.”
Alex’s shocked expression suggested that wasn’t typical behavior in her experience. “Are you for real?”
Tae Hyun nodded.
“Okay. Wow.” Alex slowly shook her head. “You know that’s fucked up, right?”
Tae Hyun shrugged. That was probably true, but it didn’t change that it had already happened. “Are you telling me you were never hit as a child?”
Alex snorted. “Are you shitting me? My mother would–” She stopped. “Nah, let’s not go there.” Then she slowly nodded. “But I got an idea. Do you trust me?”
“Is this some kind of exercise? Because I can assure you I’ve tried them all.”
Alex rolled her eyes. “Listen, Mr. Big Time Idol. If you don’t like how I do things, you can always find someone else to–”
“No,” Tae Hyun interrupted. “No. I’m sorry. Please, tell me your idea.”
Alex nodded. “Okay.” She turned toward the other dancers, motioning for them to return. “Everybody, Tae Hyun needs our help.”
Although Tae Hyun didn’t necessarily mind his nickname, he appreciated that Alex didn’t use it when she addressed the others. Shortening names like that was a very Western thing and one of the many daily reminders that he was abroad. Being in Los Angeles felt disturbingly but unsurprisingly comfortable most of the time, owing to how deeply ingrained some parts of American culture were back home. But so many little things still surprised him, reminding him he wasn’t in Korea. And sometimes, it felt like he wasn’t even on the same planet.
“Okay, kids,” Alex continued, “here’s how we’re gonna do this.” She pointed at Tae Hyun. “You’re gonna sing. No music. Just your voice.” Then she looked at the others. “And I want you all to freestyle based on what you hear him singing. Don’t fall back on the choreo. Just move how the song tells you.”
Tae Hyun frowned. “What about me? Do I just stand here?”
Alex shrugged. “Up to you. See, here’s what I think. That bamboo rod thing? It’s about control.” She paused, letting her point hang between them as it sank in. “You’re too used to being in control. Or, maybe, more importantly, being controlled. You might be the first K-pop idol I’ve worked with, but you’re hardly the first pop star.” She quietly chuckled. “So, I know how the global entertainment machine works. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to pull a giant stick outta somebody’s ass to get them to loosen up after spending years under the thumb of some overbearing record label creative team.”
“Excuse me?” Tae Hyun understood about half of what Alex had just said.
“She means you’re too uptight,” Daniel translated, “after working with KBR for so long.”
“Ah, okay.” Tae Hyun nodded, frowning at the mental image of his movements being so stiff it looked like he had a stick in his ass. “I think I understand what you’re asking. But I don’t understand why.”
Alex chuckled. “That’ll have to do.” She stepped back to give Tae Hyun and the dancers some room. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Tae Hyun nodded and closed his eyes, trying to find the song. All he’d thought about that morning was the choreography, so he shook that away. The melody was there, but he reached further, digging beneath it for something else, something primal. Jason once tried to teach him that when he first learned how to act. He needed a memory that held the feelings he was trying to express through his song. So he thought back to that morning as he stood in the shower. Jason had joined him under the warm spray, seductively soaping and caressing his naked body until he couldn’t stand it anymore and begged Jason to fuck him right there. The memory unleashed a surprising spark of warmth in his body. Yes. There it was. He took a breath, opened his mouth, and sang.
In a neon world of lights and haze,
I danced to their rhythm, got lost in their maze.
Tae Hyun’s powerful voice filled the tiny studio, echoes bouncing off the mirrored wall and polished wooden floor.
But deep within me, a fire burned bright,
I burst from the darkness and reached for the light
Javi was the first dancer to move, approaching Tae Hyun from behind and surrounding him in a not-quite embrace. Javi slowly let his hands fall, mere inches from contact, as his warm breath sprayed across the back of Tae Hyun’s neck.
Now I emerge from shadows’ hold,
Unveiling secrets yet untold.
Skylar and Ember stepped up next. Skylar began to circle them in slow, broad strides like a ferocious predator sizing up her prey. Ember circled the opposite way, mirroring Skylar’s movements with a dark, wicked grin.
I shed their chains, break free of their game,
