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“But you need to,” Jesse said, drawing his chair closer. “Don’t you see? You’re like everyone else, and that’s not your fault. Of course you were scared of him…of what he’s done. But don’t you see…? It’s just because you don’tknow.”
“Know what?” Anton asked wearily.
“That he’s incredible,” he said. “He gets me. And, whatever he is, whatever he’s done… he’s good for me.”
“And what about that poor sod you brought here for Christmas, hey? Tom, was it?”
“Tom’s a friend. I didn’t lie about that.”
“He didn’t look at you like I look at my mates, Jess,” Anton said.
“He’s a friend,” Jesse insisted. “a really good friend.”
“But why is he just a friend?” Anton said despairingly. “He’s nice. He’snormal. He’s clearly crazy about you.”
Jesse put his head in his hands. “I tried to like him, Ant. I swear I did, for all those reasons. But they’re all thingsyouwant for me—not things I want for myself.”
“You don’t want a partner that treats you with respect and decency?”
“Who’s to say I don’t?”
“So why bring him to Christmas, huh? Was the poor bastard just a decoy? Christ, Jesse. That terrible thing about all this is you don’t see this as messed up.”
“It wasn’t like that,” Jesse pleaded. “He gave me a lift. He was on his own. He had a great day.”
Anton shook his head. “It’s like Glen all over again.”
The glass in Jesse’s ribs twisted. “What?”
“You mow down these nice blokes because what you want is some twisted fantasy that no human can live up to.”
Jesse swallowed. “Emory lives up to it. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
Anton clenched his jaw then gestured wearily. “Go on then. I’m listening…for ten seconds. That’s all the time I’m giving this.”
Jesse cleared his throat with another swallow of beer. “He’s the most amazing person I’ve met, Ant. He’s lived so long—seen and done so much, regrets so much. But, under it all, the thing that matters the most to him is family.” Jesse watched his brother stare into the fire. “You get that, right?”
“Yeah,” Anton said slowly after a long moment. “Yeah, I get that. But he’s not human, Jess.” He raised his eyes. “Whatever else, nothing changes that.”
“Why is being human such a big deal?” he whispered. “It sucks, in my general experience.”
Anton’s face was pained. “You don’t mean that, little brother. Not really.”
Jesse looked away.
“Look… I’m sorry about the other day,” Anton finally said in a low voice. “I was angry. Really angry. But it’s like you said. All that matters is family, right? I have to think of Oliver. I have to put him first, understand?”
“I would never hurt Olly,” Jesse said, his voice wobbling with pain. “You know that.”
“You would never mean to,” Anton said carefully, grasping Jesse’s arm. “Of course, I know that. But you’ve got so much going on in your life, Jesse. You’re still trying to figure all that out. And maybe that’s my fault.”
“Ant…”
“Or maybe it’s Dad’s. I don’t know,” he said, waving a hand. “I’m exhausted trying to figure out where it all went wrong. But you break the law. You can’t hold down a job. You let strange blokes tie you up then splash it all over the internet. You took a kid out of her home at night—”
“That wasn’t her home.”
“I know you’ve justified it all to yourself,” Anton said, sitting forward. “And I know you did it all for what you thought were good reasons. I’m starting to get that. But at the end of the day, what the world sees matters. What people say matters. And it impacts Oliver.” He let out a deep sigh. “I’m not saying never, mate. But you have to see why it’s best you stay away from us until things are better.”
