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He took her hand. “We always knew this is how it would end, right? We knew it.”
She shook her head. No. She’d imagined he’d stay. That he would love her enough to stay. Be a part of her life in Deep Haven.
“You’re a great interim assistant camp director.” He ran his hand down her arm. “You’ll do great in that job.”
“I’m not even going to have the job anymore.”
“You will. And you have your dad. Dylan. Marie. Eli.”
She blinked back the tears. “Stay.”
“I can’t.” He shifted his weight. “I have to go. I’m getting horses for the Oregon camp—I was going to tell you before the ride, but we didn’t have time.”
“What horses?”
“There’s a dude ranch that’s closing, and I can get good horses for a fraction of the time and cost it would normally be.”
She wanted so much to be happy for him. So much to just say she’d go too.
But she wasn’t the kind of person who just up and left her family.
He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. Held her. “I have to leave early Monday.”
She inhaled him. Clung to him. “Don’t go. Don’t run away.”
He stiffened. “I’m not running away, Beth.”
“Aren’t you? Because you’re afraid you’ll lose me, like you lost your parents? Like Harper?” She sat upright, her heart racing and her head pounding. “I may not remember today, but I remember you being the guy who wanted to trust God.”
“I’m trying really hard to trust Him, but He isn’t making it easy.”
“You only trust Him if everything is going your way—you don’t really trust Him if His plans are not in alignment with your plans.”
“Are you sure that’s me you’re talking about?”
Oh.
“Because if I’m clinging to fear—and quite possibly I am—then so are you.”
She recoiled at his words.
“I’ve done all kinds of things that scared me,” she said.Like falling for you.
“But there’s one thing you can’t do, and I won’t ask you for it.” He ran his hand through his hair again, leaving it rumpled. He stood. Backed away from her bed. “I don’t want to hurt you, Beth. I never, ever wanted to hurt you.”
And then he was gone.
Beth waited until she heard the front door open. Close.
She buried her face in her hands. Hiccupped a cry. She knew the sound of the slippers in the hallway. And when the sobs overtook her and racked her body, she leaned into Dad’s embrace.
seventeen
Grayson drovearound Deep Haven two days after Beth’s accident, trying to capture the images for the last time. Java Cup. Wild Harbor. He rolled the windows down and inhaled the breeze off Lake Superior.
Joyce, the librarian, waved when he passed her on West Second Avenue. He lifted his hand. Felt like a traitor for leaving town.
He could still see Beth lying in the mud. Rain pelting down.
