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‘Oh, Amy, you are a star. This is amazing. Thank you.’
‘Think of it as a kind of hen night, though I know you hate the concept and didn’t want one.’ Amy poured some wine and handed her sister a glass. ‘You sure you don’t want a small glass, Kirsty?’
‘Thanks but I’m fine. This,’ she said, clasping both her hands together, ‘is what it’s all about and me driving and being chauffeur to you two is part of that memory.’ She gulped as she looked at her younger siblings who had always looked up to her when they were younger and come to her if they had problems. Kirsty just hoped that they always would continue to do that even though their lives were now so different, and they were all doing very separate things. And then there was what she had to tell them . . .
Emma was now half-lying back on the blanket, glass of wine in one hand and sunglasses perched on her head. She still looked a bit pale, but Kirsty would make sure she got a good dose of fresh air and vitamin D over the next few days. ‘How do you feel now?’ said Kirsty, aware that she didn’t want to start grilling Emma quite yet. She hoped she would share what was on her mind in due course.
‘Ready to eat,’ said Emma, reaching for a plate and beginning to fill it with bits of everything. ‘I love this kind of eating when you just graze on lots of different things.’
‘Is Max still doing the cooking mostly?’ said Amy, tearing off a chunk of baguette and cutting a slice of cheese.
‘Yes, he is, though he is so busy with work. We have a loose agreement that whoever is home first will cook so I try to walk home very slowly . . . but it often doesn’t work. He’s been doing a lot of late nights these past few weeks. Unfortunately, that has meant a lot of basic salads and pasta for dinner. Or crackers and cheese if I can’t face cooking.’
‘Do you think Max’s long hours are likely to change?’ Kirsty was well aware of the hours they both put in and wondered if it was sustainable, especially if the couple wanted to have a family. However she thought it better to keep quiet on that, aware that it was none of her business.
Emma shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I see him getting tired and a bit worn down by it and I know he wants to open his own restaurant one day.’
‘In North Berwick?’ asked Amy.
Emma nodded.
‘How do you feel about that?’ Kirsty wondered what her sister’s ambitions might be. For as long as she could remember it had all been about the law and helping people who faced social injustice.
‘I’m fairly relaxed about it as I could still work in my practice and commute in or work less or from home. There are always options aren’t there?’
‘Yes,’ said Kirsty. ‘The main thing is that you do what is right for you.’ She reached for an olive and popped it in her mouth, noticing that Amy was listening intently to their conversation. ‘That goes for you as well, Amy. We are all different and we need to follow our own path and it’s testament to Mum and Dad that we are all leading very different lives.’
‘How did you know you wanted children, Kirsty?’ said Amy, suddenly taking a gulp of wine.
‘Erm, I just knew. From quite an early age. It was something Steve and I were always clear about.’ She cocked her head to the side, thoughtfully. ‘Why do you ask?’
Amy took a bit of bread and chewed for a moment. ‘That’s the thing. I don’t think I actually want kids. Is that bad?’ She glanced at her sisters. ‘That was perhaps part of the reason it didn’t work with Ross — the ‘stepmum’ part and he kept hinting that he wanted more and that made me want to run for the hills.’
‘Who says you have to have kids?’ Kirsty was aware Emma had gone quiet and was also watching Amy.
‘Nobody,’ Amy shrugged, ‘but sometimes I feel it’s an expectation.’
‘Well it’s not,’ interjected Emma suddenly. ‘It should be a choice. People make far too many assumptions when you get to a certain age, or you are living with someone or getting married. She sighed noisily. ‘I wasn’t going to tell you this tonight, girls, but . . .’
‘You don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to, Emma,’ said Kirsty, concerned at the change in her sister’s tone.
‘I know . . . but seeing as we’re talking about it then I need to tell you. I was going to tell you anyway and, well, I don’t know if there is ever a perfect time, is there?’
Kirsty took a sip of water, waiting and wondering what on earth her sister was going to say. Then she was reminded of Emma’s earlier emotional outburst. Was she about to tell them she was pregnant?
Chapter Twenty-Nine
It was now or never and, seeing as Amy had brought it up, she could hardly just sit there and say nothing about the thing that had been weighing so heavily on her mind for the past few weeks. Kirsty and Amy were waiting for her to speak, and she picked up some sand and let it fall through her fingers as she thought about the best way to tell them. ‘I don’t quite know what to say or how to tell you this, girls, but . . . a few weeks ago I had some tests done because I had been feeling a bit under the weather.’
Amy’s face paled. ‘Are you ill?’ she asked in a whisper.
Emma reached over and squeezed her hand. ‘I’m not ill but there’s a chance I could be infertile.’
Kirsty gasped. ‘Oh, Emma. That must have been a shock. Tell us what’s been going on.’
Emma took a breath. ‘I just thought it was stress with work and the wedding — though the whole point in keeping it small was so that it didn’t become a huge thing. Thanks to you,’ she said looking at Kirsty, ‘it’s not even like it’s caused me much stress at all.’
Emma focused on the horizon ahead as she told her sisters about the hot flushes, waking in the night drenched in sweat. ‘I lost track of when I had my last period and then wondered if I might be pregnant. That was a shock as I definitely wasn’t ready to have a baby. But then of course I wasn’t, and I was devastated. I went to the GP, and she took some blood. When she called me back to discuss the results, I thought she was going to tell me I had cancer. She looked so serious when she told me I could be in early menopause. For some reason, I thought she was joking.’
