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That very expectation could make her run.
He’d thought about this all the way to England, picked apart his feelings, his thoughts, his heart. It wasn’t that he feared for his own heart. His fears were all about putting pressure and expectations on her.
After the hot tub, he’d admitted that first time with her had been the best damned night ever. And he’d just admitted his feelings had never gone away. He’d even admitted Fernsby was right, that she was his heart’s desire.
He couldn’t say nothing.
Finally, he whispered, over tender roast beef, over mouthwatering Yorkshire pudding, over trifle and flowers and champagne, “Tell me why you think it won’t work.”
* * *
The compassion in his voice brought her close to tears.
Cammie had never talked with him about her love life, but even though they hadn’t discussed it, he knew of one bad relationship she’d had. He couldn’t know, however, what had happened when she’d been Clyde’s assistant.
There were men who lied to women to get what they wanted. Dane, of course, had never been that type. He’d always built her up, telling her what a great job she did, how she organized his life, how he’d be nothing without her. She was his idea genius.
And he was as honest as they came.
But she knew men who thought nothing of spinning a web of lies, or of the devastation they left behind. Maybe in telling Dane her story, he would understand why she couldn’t go through it all again with him.
“I made two big mistakes.” The trifle sat untouched in her bowl. “The first time was when I’d worked with Clyde for about three years.” She sighed, looking up at the ceiling a moment. “And Rufus Mayhew came into our lives. I was twenty-one, still living at home and looking after my uncle, since he was in the early stages then. Between work and Uncle Lochlan, I hadn’t dated much.” Actually, she hadn’t dated at all.
Toying with her cloth napkin, she wished it were paper. Then she’d have the satisfaction of tearing it to shreds. But even if she couldn’t look at him, she owed Dane her story. “He was beautiful. I was innocent. I had no idea what men were like. He took me to the best restaurants, bought me wonderful gifts. He was older, and he was magnetic.” She’d cared so much, and it hurt to think about how naïve she’d been.
Dane’s eyes were flinty in the candlelight. If Rufus had been standing there, he’d have punched him in the nose, she was sure. Yet something more lurked in his gaze—perhaps an ache, though for what exactly, she couldn’t tell.
She had to clear her throat. “I fell for him completely. If he’d asked me to marry him right then, I would have handed in my notice to Clyde and said yes.” She closed her eyes, put her hands to her flaming cheeks, her skin hot against her fingers. “He didn’t start pumping me for information until about two months into our relationship. I had no idea what he was doing. He said he just wanted to know about everything I did during the day so he could feel like he was with me when I was working. And he helped me with Uncle Lochlan, coming to the house, playing card games with us. He seemed so kind, so caring. I had no idea that all he wanted was information about Clyde. Things he could use to make money off him.”
She was so ashamed, she wanted to cry.
Dane laid his hand over hers on the table. “It wasn’t your fault. He took advantage. He stole your innocence. You’re not to blame.”
She whispered, “Yes, he stole my innocence.” And then she admitted, “In every possible way.”
The hard glint in Dane’s eyes turned into a burning flame. Like a gallant knight, he’d have thrown Rufus out on his butt. After running him through with his sword.
But she had yet to admit her full culpability. “One day, a deal of Clyde’s went south. Someone had gotten wind of what he’d planned and stepped in to subvert him, obviously taking the profits for themselves.”
Dane squeezed her hand so tightly it would have been painful if it were anyone else’s touch. “It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault,” he said succinctly, each word its own sentence.
“I was so excited for Clyde’s big deal.” The words seemed to rush out of her then. “It was going to be wonderful. And Clyde was so thrilled.” She stopped, held her breath, then finally made herself add, “And I told Rufus about it.”
“Even then, you still didn’t get it, did you?” Dane said softly. “You were still innocent. You had no idea there were people like that in the world.”
She sighed. “I didn’t have a clue.” It shamed her even now to think about what she’d done. “When I was in Clyde’s office, and he was railing that no one knew about the deal except him and his lawyers, I suddenly saw it. I knew about the deal.” She put a hand to her chest. “And Rufus knew because I told him.” Her soul felt like a bleak landscape as she remembered that day, realizing Rufus had used her information against them. “I had to admit to Clyde what I did.” She swallowed hard. “He didn’t even yell at me. He just said that when we’re young, it’s hard to know who to trust and who not to.”
