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‘I’d like a walk. I find it helps clear my head,’ he said.
Half an hour later, they’d eaten breakfast and tidied away and were waiting in the hallway for Paul and Angelina to come downstairs. When they finally appeared, Erin slid her arms into her coat and opened the front door then stepped out into the beautiful December morning.
Chapter14
Leo
After some debate over breakfast about where to go for a walk, Cain had decided that he would take them on a surprise trip. They had piled into his black people carrier and set off, music filling the car as Robyn insisted on playing her Christmas CD. While the likes of Elton, Shaking Stevens and Mariah Carey had sung about the joys or sorrows of the festive season, Leo had sat back and let it all wash over him.
He was sitting next to Zara but he might as well have been sitting next to a dog for all the conversation he was getting from her. She had her earbuds in and was glued to her smartphone in the way that so many youngsters were these days. He wished he could have sat next to Erin but she’d ended up next to Paul and they were currently debating the pros and cons of nut roast versus turkey. And so, during the journey, he gazed out of the window and watched as the scenery sped past the window.
The problem with Christmas music was that it invariably brought back memories of Christmas past and for him, that usually involved memories of Shelley. Memories that were sweet and precious but that made a lump rise in his throat and his chest ache in a way that he couldn’t get rid of, no matter how hard he swallowed or how firmly he rubbed at his ribcage. Grief was a horrid feeling and however much he tried to let it go, it was so hard. It had a tendency to rear its head like a dragon breathing fire at the most inconvenient of times and he didn’t think he’d ever be free of it. He could understand why some people struggled to keep going. Not that he was feeling like he’d do anything to hurt himself, because he knew Shelley would never have wanted that, but some days he wondered if he had the strength to get through another day without the woman he’d loved. How did other people move on? How did other people survive? One day at a time, he knew, but it was still so incredibly hard. And this year was even worse because he’d lost his mum and she’d been the one person who’d been able to wrap her arms around him, hug him tight and call him her boy. And, even though he was a fully grown man, she had helped him to feel safe and loved. Even when his heart was breaking, she’d made him feel that maybe, just maybe, everything would be OK again one day. But now she was gone and he’d been left in despair at the thought of coping without her.
However, out of nowhere, Paul had insisted that Leo join him and his family for Christmas and something about that made Leo feel that somehow, his mum and Shelley must be looking out for him. They didn’t want Leo spending the holidays alone and there was comfort to be found in that, whether it was some form of spiritual intervention or just pure luck.
Soon, Cain pulled into a carpark and cut the engine and Leo packed away his feelings of grief and loss and took a few slow, deep breaths. Fresh air would help and he was looking forward to stretching his legs. He was not, as he’d thought he’d be, alone for Christmas this year and he was very grateful for that.
They all got out of the vehicle and looked around. The car park wasn’t too busy although there were some other families and couples who’d clearly thought that heading to Box Hill for the day was a good plan.
‘I haven’t been here in years,’ Leo said.
‘Nor me.’ Erin was at his side wrapping a long scarf around her neck. In her thick padded coat and bobble hat, she looked younger than her twenty-eight years and he found himself wondering again about why her relationship had ended as it had and why any man would let such a lovely woman go. ‘I’d forgotten how beautiful it is.’
When everyone was ready, they walked over to the National Trust visitor centre and looked at the board that showed the routes around Box Hill. They decided to take the hilltop stroll which should take about thirty minutes and wasn’t too taxing but would afford them gorgeous views.
Leo and Erin fell into step together behind her parents and Zara, while Paul and Angeline followed behind them. For some reason, Angeline was wearing a pair of heeled boots that Leo didn’t think would be at all suitable for walking, but then what did he know? No one else had said anything and he certainly wasn’t going to interfere. The boots made even less sense though considering that the ground beneath their feet was hard, the mud frozen solid by the low temperatures, and the leaves that lay on the paths that made them potentially slippery. Looking up though, Leo’s heart lifted because the sky was a glorious clear blue and there was a gentle breeze that was pleasant and refreshing.
They followed the path and reached the gravestone of Peter Labillierre, a British Army Major and eccentric who died back in 1800 and was apparently, and weirdly, buried upside down.
‘Whenever I see this headstone, I wonder how on earth he could have chosen to be buried like that,’ Robyn said with a shiver. ‘Makes me dizzy just thinking about it.’
‘Mum, he’s hardly going to know he’s upside down is he?’ Zara asked with a shake of her head.
‘I know that but well… It’s just a strange way to be laid to rest.’
‘Yes but he was an eccentric, Mum.’ Zara rolled her eyes then slid her arm through her father’s. ‘Come on, Dad, let’s get going.’
Cain offered a conciliatory smile to his wife then let his daughter lead him away. His wife followed soon after with Paul and Angelina.
Erin was still gazing at the stone.
‘Hey, you all right?’ Leo asked.
‘Yes. Fine. Just thinking that if you’ve got to be buried somewhere then this is as good a spot as any.’
‘I don’t think they let people have their graves here now though,’ he said softly.
‘I guess not.’ She met his eyes. ‘Where is… Oh, sorry. That’s none of my business.’
‘You were going to ask where Shelley is buried? Or my mum?’
‘Uhm… both?’ Erin grimaced as if embarrassed. ‘Sorry, you don’t want to talk about that.’
‘It’s fine. Shelley was cremated as per her wishes and then her ashes went back up to Scotland. In her will she’d asked that this happen so she could join her family and be scattered in the Highlands. I don’t know if everyone would agree but for me, cremation seems preferable to being underground. Not that we’ll be aware of it because well…’ He shrugged.
‘I guess so.’ Erin chewed at her bottom lip.
‘But my mum is buried with my dad in Bath.’
