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I took the hot chocolate from Kohl’s outstretched hand. “Thanks.”
At least they weren’t a total shitbag.
Kohl leaned back in his seat, taking a deep drink from his own cup. “I’m so—”
“Please don’t tell me you’re sorry,” I whispered, staring a hole into the side of their head.
“I wasn’t,” Kohl said, the side of their mouth hooking into a grin that I had the sudden urge to kiss. “I wasgoingto say I’m so glad you didn’t have practice tonight so I could see you. I want to talk about something.”
Panic shot through my veins as Kohl shifted forward, my eyes dipping to their lips.
Sure, I’d known that Kohl had a bit of a crush on me. But I’d never dreamed—never expected they’d be so bold to—I jerked back in my seat.
“Kohl, I— It’s not a big deal, but I can’t do this. I don’t want to come between you and Dylan—and—he’s my boyfriend, and—” The excuses I was making sounded weak even to my own ears.
We both knew I didn’t care about Dylan, at least not enough to deny myself the person that I really wanted.
“I don’t understand why the hell you’re willing to let him walk all over you.”
“You don’t have to understand, Kohl. I like him.”
How I managed to keep a straight face through the lie was beyond me.
I didn’t give afuckabout Dylan. But I did give a fuck about Kohl, and I didn’t want them to become collateral damage when I finally got what I wanted out of their family.
If I let Kohl do this, if I allowed myself to fall in love with them—or even into bed—I was running the risk that my entire plan would be smashed to pieces.
“Vic, please, I—”
“No,” I said. “For Christ’s sake, Kohl, he’s your brother. Isn’t it enough for you to just be in my life?”
No. Not when I want to touch you like this. Not when I can see the way you are looking at me, and I know that it would feel ten times better to touch you than it does him. Not when I can see my future staring at me behind your eyes.
Kohl blew out a breath, setting their drink in the cupholder with a thunk as they put their hands back on the steering wheel. “Okay.”
“Okay,” I whispered back, my stomach tightening into a knot.
Why did doing the right thing have to suck so bad?
Kohl
t’s me and you, forget about everyone else
Idon’t know why I cradled Dylan in my arms. In the moment, it felt like the right thing to do, but as I looked over his blank expression and the gaping wound in his head, I couldn’t help but regret my actions.
All it did was make me feel something for him.
It was a small ghost of a feeling. It started in my chest and moved down to my gut. It was hot and heavy and felt a lot like guilt.
But what did I have to be guilty for?
His words rang in my head.
You have this thing in your head. You think Father and I are in the wrong because we enjoy what we do. You’re lying to yourself.
Was I? Was I lying about what I was doing here?
I came here for Vic, no one else. For Vic, I changed into something. For Vic, I murdered.
