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I move over the bedside drawers. The first is full of sex toys, which doesn’t surprise me. The second is random things like makeup, jewellery, and hair ties. I sigh heavily. I’m not sure what I expected to find. A weapon? A Gun? I go around to the other bedside cabinet and open the drawers. It’s stuffed with underwear. I move it around, feeling for anything that could help, but instead, I pull out a notebook. It’s tatty, and when I open it, a photograph of her and Ivan falls out. I stare at it. They look . . . happy. She’s staring up at him with a sickening sweet smile.
I flip through the pages full of writing. This is Lara’s diary. She kept a diary. I stop on a middle page dated a year ago.
I hate him. Why is he so controlling all the goddamn time? I can’t breathe, yet when he’s close, he gives me life. I’m so confused. He covers his anger and jealousy with sex, and I can’t seem to say no. Why can’t I say no? I miss my life. I miss my family. I miss the woman I was before he came along and changed everything. I want to die. I want peace.
My eyes fill with tears. She sounds so desperately unhappy, it’s heartbreaking. As I flick through, stopping on random pages, they all say the same thing.
I hear footsteps and panic, shoving the diary up my shirt. Dropping to the floor, I slide carefully under the bed.
IVAN
“Here’s your flight information,” says Maxim, passing me the paperwork. “Alek will be with you. He’s waiting outside.”
“Maybe you should join me, Maxim,” I suggest. “We have other men here to take care of business.”
“This needs to be handled right, Ivan. She’s seen too much.”
“And you don’t trust our men to get it right?” I query.
He frowns, irritated by my questions. “Is everything okay?”
“Of course. I just thought it would be nice for my Derzhatel to be with me. After all, you’ve been working hard too.”
“It’s because I’m your second in command that I should be here to handle business. Go, enjoy yourself. I’ll handle everything on this end until you return.” He walks me towards the door.
“Make it quick,” I say, fixing him with a hard stare. “I know I said she should pay, but . . . forget trying to get answers. Lara is in the past. I’m moving on. So, don’t . . . torture her and don’t . . . no rape.”
“Okay,” he says slowly. “Quick and painless, I hear you.”
“That’s a direct order,” I add. “I don’t want her to suffer.”
He pats me on the back. “Of course. Go. Rest. Come back stronger and focussed.”
I get into the waiting car, and Alek glances at me through the mirror. “All ready?”
I nod, and he pulls away from the house. As we turn onto the road and into traffic, I ask, “Alek, can I trust my men?”
He frowns, glancing at me again. “Pakhan?”
“Do they still see me as their Pakhan? I mean, they call me ‘boss’ and show respect, but behind my back, are they the same?”
“I’m not sure what you’re asking me.”
“I chose you because you were quiet,” I say thoughtfully. “You watch and take things in, but you don’t involve yourself.”
“My mother taught me the ways,” he says with a smile. “The best secrets are told when people think you’re not paying attention.”
“Exactly. So, what do they say about me when I’m not around?”
“You’ve been through a tough time, sir. Ignore the idiots. You’re our leader, and we all serve you, whether some like it or not.”
“Who? Who doesn’t like it?” He hesitates. “Maxim?” I ask, and his eyes meet mine in the reflection of the mirror. “Maxim?” I repeat, my heart slamming hard. He gives a nod. “What does he say?”
“It’s not what he says,” he begins, “but how he acts. He undermines your orders and gives his own. He laughs when other men make comments about you. He doesn’t correct them. He doesn’t threaten to kill them for being disrespectful to our Pakhan. And he should. It’s about respect.”
“What comments are being made?”
He shrugs. “That you’re not in charge anymore. That you’re losing your mind. That having the woman around made you weak.”
