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“So that’s how it is?” Nav replies, his voice bitter, taking her silence as a negative. “You trust some guy you barely know—”
“Why do you assume I barely know him?” Jess shouts, on the defensive even though he’s right.
“You’ve never mentioned him to me before!”
“I don’t tell you everything, Nav.”
“Clearly not.” She sees his eyes narrow, his temper flare. He lets out a loud yell of frustration, making her jump. “Christ, Jess,” he snaps. “Why do you have to be so blind!” he exclaims. “So … so …”
“So …? So—what?” Jess barks.
“So fucking stupid!” She can see his body is tense, and he stands up, starting to pace the room. “You get yourself in these situations, and then you expect everyone—no, not everyone—me,” Nav shouts, “to get you out of them.”
Jess feels the bitterness of his words. His betrayal. She thought he was her friend. “I didn’t start that fire,” she protests, feeling her throat tighten.
“No, but you’ve walked out of the hospital even though you’re ill. You’re on the run from the police. And I have to lie … I have to hide you …”
“I’m sorry. I’ll go.” Jess stands up. She can’t stay here. Knowing his true feelings, what she’s driven him to. She starts to leave the room, but a sudden hand on her wrist stops her. She turns, looking up into Nav’s eyes.
He blinks, his face distraught. “That’s not what I meant, Jess,” he says, quieter now. “I’m not kicking you out. I just …” He lets go of her wrist, then bows his head, pushing his fingers in his eyes and rubbing them hard. “I’m sorry,” he adds. “I need some sleep, Jess. Stay here tonight. We’ll talk again in the morning.”
She hesitates. His words still sting.
“Please?”
Slowly, Jess nods. He reaches down and tries to give her another hug. But her body stays rigid, resisting his comfort.
She follows him up the stairs and watches as he closes the door to his bedroom. She lies back down on the single spare bed. Normally in this bed, she’d be drunk. Normally her mind would be full of laughter after an evening of fun and frivolity.
Tonight is different. The blackness closes in on her. She feels the loneliness claw at her insides. She doesn’t know when she can hug her daughter again. Alice must be so confused, wondering where her mom and dad are, why she’s not allowed to see them, and tears run down Jess’s face, drenching the pillow. Jess thinks of Patrick, lying dead on a slab somewhere. She wonders if she would be allowed to see him one last time, then realizes there’d be nothing left to see. The shock tears through her. His body would be burned, the fire turning him into something devoid of recognition.
She’d done that. She hadn’t lit the match, but the reason he’d been in the spare room? That was her. She wonders if he’d understood what was happening. She hopes he’d been overcome by the smoke in his sleep and hadn’t woken up.
She feels familiar frustration swell, making her muscles tense. She turns over, pushing her face into the pillow, screaming, her whole body strained as she directs all her anger downward, the feathers muffling the sound.
She stays facedown, counting slowly, willing her breathing to return to normal.
Jess suddenly can’t bear to be alone. She stands up and opens the door to the hallway, then slowly pushes down the handle to Nav’s room. She can make out his shape, a lump under the duvet, and stands in the doorway for a second, listening to his steady breathing in and out.
She knows she’s pushed him too far this time. But he’s right. She’s stupid. She makes bad, terrible decisions. But she thought that he saw past that; saw a woman that was more than the chaos she makes of her life.
But no. Nav sees her the same way that everyone else does: fucked-up. A mess. Unworthy.
She’s asked him to do so much. He’s had to lie to the police, risk his medical license. All for her.
She’s pushed him too far. And the fact that he’s reached his tipping point scares her. Without Nav, her best friend, the most loyal person in her life, who does she have?
She has to get out of there. She has to leave.
She goes down the stairs and picks up Nav’s phone, charging in the kitchen. She looks at the keypad. The police would be here in minutes. She wouldn’t have to run anymore. She could see Alice. Do the right thing for once in her life.
She makes a call, then sits in the living room to wait, nervously peering out the window.
After fifteen minutes, a car draws up outside. She goes out, pulling the front door quietly shut behind her.
This is her only option. She is sure now.
She climbs into the car. Griffin looks across at her.
