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“I know you’re looking for understanding, Lace, but here’s where I get upset with you.”
“Why, because you were right?”
She shakes her head. “You are the most selfless person I know. You’re my little sister, but I look up to you and admire you so much. Your heart is pure love, and it shines with the love for your son. You wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. You took a chance on love the second time around because of your love for him. To give him something he was missing.”
“Now it’s gone.”
“It doesn’t have to be. He didn’t walk out this time. That’s fact. You deserve happiness, Lacey. Don’t doubt that. No one I ever met deserves it more.”
“So what am I supposed to do?”
“I’m not going to try to tell you what to do. Only you could know that. Your judgment, and yours alone, brought Jacob into our lives. So I won’t pretend to know better than you when it comes to real love and what matters.” She kisses me on the temple. “I’m always in your corner. No matter what.”
Two weeks later, December. Many,many pies, and missed calls from Landon, and I’ve gained five pounds. I feel no better than I did before. No more tears, but I make myself look happy and sound happy. But…happiness seems a million miles away. I did something I never do: I cancelled my therapy appointment.
Every four months, I go in. It’s like a tune-up for me. A quarterly check to make sure things are running right, not drifting off course without notice. I just don’t feel like talking and analyzing my problems. It was a major step, letting Landon back in my life, and I just don’t want to go there. I don’t have the energy it takes. I have a plan: focus all my energy on Jacob. Making him happy is the only thing I’m committed to. Making him happy is making me happy.
I hum, putting the finishing touches on a Peekaboo Surprise pie. Landon’s favorite. I hum. But if I’m so happy humming, why the hell am I crying in the pie? Yeah, I need to reschedule that appointment. I’m drifting, and I need to get back on track.
