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LEANNE
It was all a blur. I heard the words ‘heart attack’ and everything in the world narrowed down to one tiny pinpoint surrounded by darkness.
I cannot lose my daddy. He can’t die. I can’t lose him. Please don’t die. Please. Please.
My whole body was shaking, and I couldn’t even hold on to my phone. My knees buckled. I thought I was going to hit the floor, but something held on to my elbow, hitched my shoulder up and kept me on my feet. There were voices around me and one of them was talking to me. I started to cry, like a faucet, a waterfall. I’d never be able to stop. Arms were around me, cradling me and holding me up, keeping me together and safe.
At last, at last I could pull myself together. More because I needed to get to my dad’s side than because I was strong or embarrassed to cry in front of everyone at work. I was still at work, wasn’t I? Everything seemed bent and disoriented then, fractured through the lens of the worst thing that had ever happened.
My mom leaving had been devastating and had hurt me for years. But losing my dad would be something I'd never be able to recover from. He had been the constant, caring presence in my life for as long as I could remember. When I thought of all I put him through—another sob racked me. I wanted to nestle into those arms and hide. I bit down on my tongue to keep from bawling again.
Aaron’s handsome face was only inches from mine. I stared at him, just taking in how beautiful he was, the concern on his brow, the compassion in his eyes. Then he was taking me somewhere and I knew it was where I needed to go. I could trust him. He was taking charge. He was taking care of everything. Relief that he was in control swept over me. I rode to the hospital. When we got to the parking lot, he helped me call Rina so she would know what was going on. Then he took me inside the building and found out where we needed to go.
Follow him, that was all I needed to do. Except I wasn’t following behind Aaron. I was walking right beside him, clutching his arm with one hand, my other hand laced with his. I looked down in a sort of embarrassment as I realized I was clinging to my boss, but he didn’t seem to mind, and it was comforting, feeling the solid heat of his body as he led me through the corridors. I didn’t think I could have driven safely or asked the right questions or found the right door or the person to talk to. I was grateful to Aaron, or I would remember to be when my world stopped spinning out of control.
In the waiting room, the desk attendant told me that my father had been taken back for a triple bypass. He was lucky he was outside mowing the lawn when he had the heart attack so a neighbor saw him fall and called 911. It would be a few hours. We wouldn’t know anything until then. I nodded my head like I understood. I didn’t though. I didn’t comprehend any of it, that my dad was unconscious and cut open by strangers who were trying to fix his heart. I sank onto a chair. It took every ounce of will just to sit upright, not sobbing, being quiet and waiting.
Aaron sat beside me, held my hand. He didn’t do a lot of talking. He asked if I wanted anything to drink or if I was cold. All I could do was shake my head. There was no energy for making words come out of my mouth. My brain was consumed by reciting,please, please, pleaseand then my mind thrashed in terror that my dad was going to die. When I caught sight of Rina, I found that I could move and get to my feet. I went to her, and she folded me in her arms, a fierce hug, and I cried and cried.
“Your dad’s a tough guy. He’s going to pull through. He will,” she assured me.
I whimpered that when I asked for a prognosis, they had said it was too soon to tell.
“Doesn’t matter. They don’t know your dad. Besides, he’d never leave you alone. He loves you too much. He’s going to make it, sweetie.”
I nodded, drinking in her reassurance even though I knew logically it might just be wishful thinking. I pulled back from the hug to wipe my eyes and saw Rina staring over my shoulder.
I turned to look and noticed that Aaron was standing where we had been sitting before she arrived. I held out my hand to him. I wasn’t not sure why I did it, but I reached for him, and he came to my side. I managed the tiniest possible half-smile.
“Rina, this is Aaron Parks. He owns the gym where I'm interning and teaches at Berkley. He brought me here when I got the news. Aaron, this is Rina, my best friend. She’ll wait with me and take me back to my car when I'm ready to leave. When--”
“When we find out your dad is okay,” Rina supplied encouragingly. Then she extended her right hand and shook Aaron’s. His left hand was holding mine.
I watched them greet each other, and I liked that they knew each other face to face now. I turned to him, knowing he’d gone above and beyond to help me and that it was time to thank him and release him from whatever obligation was keeping him here.
“I can’t thank you enough for bringing me to the hospital and staying with me. It was very kind of you. Rina can wait with me now, and you can get back to the gym or—or the rest of your day. I appreciate all your help.” I said it as professionally, as formally as I could considering that I'd cried into his chest, clung to his arm, held his hand and essentially refused to let him out of my sight for the last hour or so.
“If it’s okay with you, I'd like to stick around at least until you have an update on your dad’s condition.”
It was more than okay with me, to be honest. I wanted to hug him and tell him how much I’d wanted him to say what he just had.Instead, I tried for a smile and said, “That would be great. Thank you.”
We sat down, the three of us in a row of chairs. From time to time, Rina showed me stuff on her phone to try to take my mind off of the wait, but nothing really helped. I held onto Aaron’s hand in both of mine like I couldn’t bear to be separated from him. If some part of me wasn’t touching him, I might fall apart completely. He was holding me together. And I was holding on tight.
CHAPTER16
AARON
The idea of staying to see how her dad was doing was to watch over Leanne but not to hover or be intrusive. I was just going to sit over in a corner, let her talk with her friend, be there in case she needed me. She had other plans, because she wouldn’t let me leave her side.
When I asked if she or Rina was hungry, she didn’t even let her friend answer. She said, “No, please—just stay where you’re at?” and the soft rise to her voice at the end, the question that was nearly a plea undid me. I sat beside her, holding her hand most of the time. If she moved around or shifted in her seat and let go of me for a minute, she was always right there reaching for me again before I knew it. Like I was something essential to her. I liked it too much. Not that she was going through a horrible, difficult time, but the fact that she wanted me there.
I had sat with a fear like hers before, when I was a teenager and my mom had cancer. Promising anything if she would just get well and stay with us. Knowing it was possible that my world was ending. I had stared that in the face and walked out of the hospital all alone and taken care of my little sister then.
I had lost both my parents—my mom from cancer and my dad a couple years later after his drinking got worse and worse. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone. For her sake, I hoped her dad pulled through the surgery okay and recovered. Part of me wanted to scoop her up and carry her right out of that hospital waiting room so she could rest, so I could shield her from prying eyes and the icy air conditioning and the irritating buzz of ugly overhead lighting.
Leanne was cold. I could tell. The only part of her that was warm was the hand that I held in mine. So, I stood up and offered to get both of them a cup of coffee from the cafeteria.
“Yes, please!” Rina said eagerly.
