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My cousins have always stood next to me. They fought with me when I went to avenge my father. They tell me when I’m in error, but I have always had their respect and they have always had mine.
I nod stiffly as I take in his words. And I was glad I still had them. Like always.
Chapter twenty
I Will Go
Igor
Thesunisrestingon the horizon two days later when we come to the camp. The site is busy with pale and green orcs going in separate directions because the shifts are changing, and the night patrollers are about to start their shifts.
“I still think it’s suspicious,” Kaja says loud enough for a few of us to hear. He has been goading Zod all trip long and Zod is annoyed out of his mind.
“I thought you were keeping a female in your quarters but it’s like you just vanish. Where do you go, brother?” He continues.
Kaja and Faz are Zod’s biggest headaches in life. They are always trying to annoy him, and he always gives them the reaction they want. They, because they are imbeciles, delight in his annoyance. They live to provoke him some way, but it is nothing out of the ordinary of other brothers.
Sometimes I wished I could have had my own siblings to have such bonds with, but my father always said he will not have another child because he doesn’t want a war in his home. I used to love it when I was a young orc, but that was my hubris and now I know I could use the counsel of a brother or a sister.
“I am ignoring you.” Zod sounds obviously annoyed. But I must say, I do find it curious too. Zod has always been a bit of an island, but he has been scarcer since I’ve been back. But unlike Kaja, I know every orc is entitled to their secrets.
“I will find your secrets, brother, no matter how much you try to hide them.” Kaja responds, not worried that Zod is also determined to keep this secret - if it’s a secret at all.
“Hanje!” Zod responds with the insult in annoyance.
I hadn’t thought much on it the few times he has disappeared because that has always been his style, but his brother is right, Zod has been disappearing more than usual, but I will let it go.
We come up to the gates and they are open immediately. The gatekeepers nod to us and we nod back. I make a beeline to where my warriors are after I secure my karaji, my cousins still in my tail. Feeling surer after the talk with my kin.
I find the group of 40 soros and 15 older orcs waiting for me in our section for my orders for our patrol. Most leaders have their groups they are addressing as well in the open, and I bring back my gaze to my own. All eyes find me, and my uncle’s words come back like a vengeful storm.
Have you gotten a real look at our people?
I haven’t stopped thinking about everything my uncle and Owa said. His words sliced through me like the clippers of a boroja. After I saw past the anger, I began digesting his words. What they mean for me, what they mean for everyone. And I know I must try and make this right.
I see the fear and anxiety of the soros. Many of them have not known wars like we used to fight and this life of fearing Sokos is all they know. To the older orcs, it’s just another war for them, but I smell these young one’s uncertainties and fears. Most of them just became full orcs and this will be their first potential war.
I take in the young orcs, both Bono and Modo. They all look the same. They are just young orcs trying to make their respective tribes proud, probably even prove themselves to their fathers.
My feet stop outside the circle, and I shove my previous prejudice to the side. Right now, both Modo and Bono are my people. I scan them and see how they look at me, they don’t trust me. More of my uncle’s words come back to me.
Have I really been so blind and have my people really lost all faith in me? Have I truly not changed in their eyes? Before it was me and my impulses, and now it’s me and my family.
Is it me who is wrong, or it’s them? I was a different orc when I left, were they hoping I returned the same and came back swinging? Was I their hope? Are they disappointed in me?
Or are they all right? Is my uncle right? And if he is, how can I bridge this gap? How do I earn my people’s trust again? Do they wish me to become the beast again and crush our enemies under my hand? Is that what is even required of this situation? How do I lead them as one to vanquish our enemies and earn their faith? Is this what Owa meant about finding myself?
When I don’t find any of the answers in my warriors faces, I know I have to trust myself. I inhale slowly and take the step into the circle.
“I see you.” I say.
“We see you.” They respond in unison. I nod at all of them as they wait for my words.
“To you, young ones, you are welcome amongst the ranks of all the warriors that paved the way of the axe before you.” I start.
They are words my father uttered to me and my group when I became a soro and it was our first war. He would say it every time he began addressing us. I also said it the first time I addressed them but now I say them with a deeper conviction. They are all my people, Bono and Modo.
“Before we move ahead, an error has occurred. It has come to my attention that many of you are in speculation about me and my return. So, I need to address it before we move forward, I would like to lay the matter to rest today. Many of you may have not been born, but you have heard the stories. Indeed, I was disgraced as the Modo Prince because of my faults. I forgot the way of the orc, the way of community and honor. I forgot what was important and the way of our people, and I followed the bottomless path of bloodlust.”
