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Kandace in nothing but my jersey would be the icing on the cake. Mmmm… cake.
She hesitates and puts her stuff down in the chair in front of us. The scraping of its legs against the hard floor grabs my attention back to reality.
“Not shitting me?” She hesitantly checks out how eager we are to start, back to not meeting my eyes.
What’s with that anyway? I even wrote my own questions down.
“Not shitting you. We are here for you to tutor us,” I say, but she looks away and gets her stuff out of her bag.
“Did you guys look over the material I gave you last night?” She’s all business, making it a lot easier not to reach out for her or imagine what color her bra is.
Personally, I love the bright colors and the way they contrast against her light skin. Her skin is pale, but she’s able to get a nice tan going that I get glimpses of when she comes back after a break.
I lose focus. I’m hearing everything she says, but I’m watching every little thing she does. The way she nods while the guys talk and ask questions. The way she licks her lips before she speaks, and the slight lift in her chair she does every few seconds while she talks.
I can’t look away, especially when she’s talking. I’m listening and taking it all in, taking in every little thing about her.
She’s nervous, and trying hard not to show it. She’s good at hiding it. Her confidence is so radiant, but it’s the quick little tap of her pen, or the shift in her seat, that gives her away.
That confidence she has is as radiant as her red hair. It’s a bright red that shines like a beacon, calling out to me.
Alex nudges me and taps my paper at the question I wrote, and I’m taken out of my trance.
“Luca, did you have any questions before we move on?” Kandace is talking to me, but I wouldn’t have known since she’s looking down at her own notes.
I clear my throat and ask the first question. “Question ten threw me off about the second stage of a friendship. I chose the answer ‘Fun,’ but Alex told me I’m wrong.”
“The answer is Mutual Trust.”
“Why?”
“It’s the key criterion. Just like there has to be a trust between two individuals to form a relationship, it’s the same with children. You won't be able to build a genuine friendship with someone if you don't trust them. Even if it’s subconscious.”
“Oh, so you don’t trust me.” It slipped out, but it’s true.
Alex elbows me and Finn groans. They just want to get through this and pass. Alex will, he was being lazy because of his own girl issues. Finn will too. He’s only here for us. It’s me who can’t seem to grasp anything I’m taught.
“Moving on,” she says with a slight tinge of anger in her voice. I better not push it. “Do you understand it?”
“Sort of.” Which is the truth. I don’t remember not trusting people when I was a kid. I remember just having fun. If a kid wasn’t fun, then I wasn’t friends with them.
“If a child doesn’t have that mutual trust, then they won’t be able to have fun with them. I’ll try to put it in different terms or an example you may get.” She thinks it over with a tap of her pen against the table and a shift in her chair to sit straighter. “Think about a child who grows up going from foster home to foster home. They never really have a longstanding relationship with anyone. They meet new people every year or every few years or sometimes a few months. Put that child on a hockey team. Hockey is fun, but is everyone having fun? What about the kid that has never had that assurance of a home or of friendship? It’s harder for them to trust the people around them. They, like anyone else, will need a mutual trust before they start having fun. It may take someone else, like you, just a few seconds, but for others, it may take years. You can’t form a friendship without that trust. You may never have thought about it, but it was there.”
Did she grow up in foster homes? That felt real.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask, but it’s not the right time. I need to gain her trust first.
“I get it.” I nod and we continue to go over the next practice questions.
Two hours later and the guys are yawning next to me. Kandace keeps hiding her yawns too.
“Do you guys feel confident to take your test tomorrow?” She asks, checking them out.
“Yes.” They both groan and look at me. I’ve been the one asking every question.
“I think so.” I’m never confident in my testing abilities, but it’s the best I’ll get.
“Good, my hour is way up. At least if you guys fail, I can say I did my best.” Kandace looks at the time on her phone and answers a text while we all gather our stuff to leave.
