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The door swings open. “Ellie, get in here. What is going on?” She waves me in and then walks over to her couch. I kick off my slides and follow her.
She sits cross-legged and watches me.
“I need you to promise you will not tell a single soul what I’m about to tell you,” I begin.
“OMG, are you pregnant?” she blurts.
My face twists. “Dude, that’s you not me.” I cross my legs too and hug one of her throw pillows.
“Then why are you marrying Connor? You’ve known him a matter of weeks,” she states.
“I know.” I explain his situation with Sybil and mine with Nana.
“You can’t marry a man you don’t love,” Patty asserts.
“That’s the thing. I’m really attracted to Connor. I love Syd. She and I, we just bonded from the start. She’s important to me and I see so much of myself in her,” I explain.
“But you and Connor aren’t together,” she reminds, watching me like I am a wild card.
“I want to fulfill my nana’s dying wish and Connor needs me. I met his ex and she is a real nutjob. She isn’t good for Syd.”
“She’s her mom,” Patty says.
“But she hasn’t ever cared for Syd. She’s selfish. She’s rich and thinks the world revolves around her. Syd deserves more,” I declare.
“How long will you fake being married?” she asks.
“I don’t know, Patty. What I do know is I have been living this messy life these last number of years and I never saw myself being a nanny, but it makes me happy. I finally feel like I belong.”
“And what about Connor? How does he feel?” she asks.
“He wants what is best for Syd. We are so attracted to each other, but he won’t go down that road. He really feels strongly about protecting the life he’s built with Syd.”
“Can you see other people? What about sex? Is Connor going to be sleeping with other people? This is so messy, Ellie. I care about you. I don’t want to see you heartbroken,” Patty worries aloud.
“I seriously don’t think Connor has been with anyone since he had Syd. He doesn’t have the time,” I explain to her.
Her face falls.
“What is it?” I ask.
“He’s a hockey player, Ellie. His job takes him on the road. He’s been with women on the road, not recently from what I know, but he was back when I first started with the team. He just doesn’t bring anyone around Syd. His family life is kept separate,” she says. Her words feel like she’s poured acid on my skin. I flinch but the burn is felt on a much deeper level. Obviously, he’s had sex. I’m the naïve girl. He’s strong and feral. He’s hot and he’s in top physical shape. He clearly has needs that he satisfies. He just doesn’t want to satisfy them with me.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Patty says, reaching out.
“I know. I can be naïve. Hell, that’s probably what gets me into these situations to begin with,” I say, and my eyes fill with tears.
“Oh, honey,” Patty says, leaning in and placing an arm around me. “You have a big heart. Syd loves you and that means something. I think it’s amazing you want to protect her. Especially since her mother’s fiancé sounds like a pig. I just want you to guard your heart and go into this arrangement with your eyes wide open.”
“You’re so right. I was crushing on him because he showed me a shred of kindness, and I may have mistaken that for something else, but I still want to do this. You had to see Nana, Patty. She was so happy when we went to visit her. She’s really looking forward to this wedding.”
“And I want to be there to support you,” Patty assures and shifts over.
“Thank you.” I hug my friend.
“I was just about to open a pint of cookie dough ice cream, want to share?” she asks.
“I could use a few bites,” I confirm.
