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All he says is, “Let’s go outside and get some air.”
He waits for my approval, so I gently shake my head up and down, and he takes my hand in his, sending electric sexual shock waves throughout my body.
As we pass the makeshift bar, he grabs a bottle of water before continuing to lead us outside. His hand holds tightly onto mine as he takes me to the back of the yard where it’s quiet. A stone wall encloses the property. It’s pretty tall, so he picks me up to sit on the wall comfortably beside him.
We sit silently for a few minutes staring at the night sky, both of us unsure what to say or do.
That is until Nathan stretches his arms, takes a big swig from the bottle in his hand, and then tells me his secret.
Sixteen
NATHAN
WHAT I AM ABOUT to tell Natalie is either going to completely scare her away from me or — hopefully — only make us closer.
I anxiously run my hand through my hair, not knowing how to begin this difficult conversation.
But first, I need to apologize.
“Natalie, I want to start by saying I really am sorry about what happened the other day.” I look at her on the stone wall beside me. She’s silently swinging her legs and gazing down at the grass. “I pushed things too far. I know I did, but it’s just … well, I’ll just come out and say it. I feel very protective over you. And I’ve felt this way as long as I can remember.”
A smile forms as I remember the first time we met as kids at the Gordons’ home and how nervous she was to say hi to me. Even then, the color of her cheeks would give away her feelings, and it’s always been one of my favorite things about her.
“When we were kids, I would spend part of the summer mowing the neighbor’s lawn for cheap money to make sure I always had enough quarters on me because I knew you would want the vanilla ice cream sandwich when you heard the ice cream truck. Seeing your smile after taking the first bite would make mowing all those lawns worth it. And when we were in high school, well, let’s just say a few guys ended up with my fist to their faces for things I might have heard them … mention about you.”
Her legs stop swinging, and I notice her blush then chew on her lower lip, contemplating.
“But recently, I’ve felt even more protective of you, if that’s even possible, which is why it bothered me that something was upsetting you. Because all I wanted to do was fix things for you. Make things better. But I don’t know how because I don’t know what’s wrong.” I realize I’m rambling, so I stop to take a breath. “And I don’t know why I thought it had to do with Brian. To be honest, I feel kind of bad I even brought my best friend into this, but … I don’t know. You told me it had nothing to do with him, so I believe you. The thing is, how can I be mad at you for not telling me what’s been upsetting you when I haven’t been honest with you about what’s been going on in my life.”
With that, she looks up at me cautiously. God, how I’ve missed getting lost in those beautiful eyes. I shake my head and turn forward, so I don’t get distracted from the reason why I brought her out here.
“You see, my father, or the person who I’m related to by blood, well, he’s not a very nice guy.” A sigh escapes me as I realize this will be the most difficult thing I have ever had to tell someone. “When I was just a kid, my father lost his job at a company he had worked for his whole life. They had a massive layoff, and I guess you could say he took it rather personally.” I pause, unsure if I should continue, but the second Natalie’s hand lands on top of mine, I find the courage to keep going. “He turned to alcohol, and he started drinking … a lot. The man drank like a fish. I would find empty containers outside all the time and try to get rid of them before my brother ever found them. Vodka, beer, tequila … you name it.”
Images of my father drunkenly passed out around the house emerge in my head before I can make them stop.
“It affected him in ways my family and I would never have imagined. At first, it was like he had lost all motivation to live. He would sleep all day, and when the night came, he was like some possessed zombie just aimlessly switching the channels on the TV with a beer in his hand, not acknowledging anyone around him. It really started to freak my brother and me out, but it was my mom who … who I would find crying all of the time.”
I look away from Natalie, shame spreading through me.
“But then things got … worse. I would constantly hear my parents arguing while I tried to fall asleep, but I had no idea what was actually going on. There were so many signs, but I was just a kid. I didn’t … I didn’t know.” I take my hand away from Natalie and put my head in my hands, fighting with myself to continue. “Like the sweaters my mom would wear in the summer or the dark sunglasses she would wear in the house. She was doing everything she could to make sure my brother and I didn’t see the bruises. She didn’t want us to know about the pain she was experiencing at his expense. And I … I never connected the dots.”
Just thinking about my mom makes my eyes mist over.
“When I was about twelve, my baseball team had won a pretty big game against our rival town. So afterward, a bunch of us went to the local pizzeria to celebrate. My mom was supposed to be my ride home, but she never showed up. So, instead of waiting, I decided to walk home. I remember thinking that my mom would never normally have forgotten to pick me up. She always showed up on time or early for everything. Well, when I got to my house, I walked through the front door, and it was eerily quiet. I called out for her but heard nothing. I knew she was home, though, because her car was in the driveway. So, I walked into the kitchen, and that’s where I found her.”
I pause before continuing, holding in tears as tightly as possible while images from that night crash into my head.
“She was severely beaten. Could barely utter a complete sentence. I was so scared, and I remember the tears just pouring uncontrollably.” A single tear manages to break out right now, and I quickly wipe it away so Natalie won’t see. “As I held my mom in my arms, I heard a crash in the living room, and I knew right away that it was him. I stormed into the living room, ready to beat the living shit out of him, but I was so young and scrawny. Let’s just say it didn’t end well for me.”
I look down at my hands, shaking as I remember every detail from that night. The physical pain that man put me through. The vile words he lashed out at me after every hit. I was so thankful Nick had been at a friend’s house that night.
Natalie reaches out and tightly holds onto both of my hands, which causes the shaking to subside.
“The neighbors had heard the screaming from my mom begging him to stop, so thankfully, they called the police, who showed up and arrested my father on the spot. After that, my mom moved my brother and me to Greenwich, hoping to give us all a fresh start. She changed our last name back to her maiden name, Thomas, so no one would ever associate us with my father. And for a while, it seemed like everything was going to be ok. But recently, it’s gone back to shit.”
I shrug my shoulders feeling defeated.
“About a year ago, my mom’s friend, who was also her lawyer during everything that went down, called to tell her that my father had completed his jail time early. She advised my mom to file a restraining order and assured her he would have no way of finding us, but I knew she was wrong.”
