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“Yeah, it’s fucking serious. I want it to be, anyway. I told you she’s coming around to the idea.”
“She know that?”
“Like I said, I’m working on it.”
I was going to give her all the time she needed. I was planning on giving her all the time in the world to get used to the idea of us together. Until I started licking her pussy in a fucking parking lot. Why the hell did I do that? Why didn’t I just drive her home and wait until we were safely behind closed doors first? Fear bites at my gut. I just gave her the perfect reason to push me away once and for all. I told her I’d never let anyone see her. Only me. I told her that no one would know about us until we wanted them to.
I fucked up.
I so royally fucked this up that I can barely breathe. It occurs to me for a second that maybe I don’t have to tell her about this? Jasper won’t tell anyone if I ask him not to. But it’s not even a genuine option. I can’t lie to her. I won’t. I have to tell her. But I’m not going to let her push me away without a fight, that’s for damn sure.
Jasper’s eyes are wide, staring at me. “I still can’t believe you two have been doing this for months, and no one else knows. How the hell did you pull this off? How did this even happen? It’s Lily.”
“No one knows. Except you now.” Then I give him a smug grin. “Last night wasn’t the first time I took Lily home from the Goldrush. What can I say? I’m irresistible.”
“Please, idiot. I can’t believe Lily lets you anywhere near her. And you need to tell Jacks ASAP. You both do.” The disappointed look on Jasper’s face guts me. I’ve been lying to my entire family—everyone I love—for months now.
“I know, man. I know I need to tell him. But she doesn’t want anyone to know, yet. I’m working on it. Please don’t say anything to anyone. Not until she’s ready, okay?”
“Of course, I won’t.” Jasper frowns at me. “Don’t hurt her, man. You know I love Lily like a sister.” Then the asshole starts laughing. “Guess you don’t really think of her like a sister, do you?”
“No. Of course, I don’t. And fuck off.”
Knowing I need to talk to Lily eats at me the whole way back to the barn. When Jensen texts me and asks me to check Thor’s front right hoof because he thought his asshole horse was favoring it this morning, I immediately tell him to fuck off. Then I check on Thor. And then I have to apologize for being a total dick to my brother in the first place.
On the drive back into town, I try to think of how I’m going to tell Lily that Jasper saw us and how I’m going to talk her down from trying to kick me out of her life. By the time I’m at her house, I have no plan other than the truth. And I’m a complete fucking mess, waiting to hear what Lily’s going to say about all of this.
I’ve been pushing her to tell people. What if she thinks I did this on purpose? The thought of her not trusting me burns me like acid. I would never do anything to hurt her. I would never embarrass her. I would never let anyone see her when I’m fucking her.
Only I did.
Thank god all Jasper saw was some pretty calves over my shoulders. But the situation was clear as the water in Riley Lake after the winter thaw sends thousands of gallons of fresh water into it. He saw my head up Lily’s dress while I licked her pretty, wet pussy. I don’t give a fuck about anyone seeing me. But no one gets to see her like that. Probably not even me after today. Fuck no. We can’t just be over. This can’t just be over.
What if someone saw her on my lap riding my dick? I had her tits out of her dress and everything. Although, I don’t know how much anyone could have seen. I held her close to me, and my shoulders were above hers. Most of the time, either my hands or my mouth were on her tits, too. Shit, Lily’s not going to care about me trying to downplay the odds on whether someone might have seen one of her nipples.
Not when she knows Jasper saw her legs over my shoulders.
Shit. Fucking shit.
She’s going to try to end this. I know she is. This doesn’t end tonight. I won’t let it. She can’t end this. I’m not ready to let her go. I already know that I’m never going to be ready to let her go.
I let myself in the back kitchen door using the passcode I installed there just like I did at the front door. I’d install a passcode on every single one of her doors if she had a thousand of them.
“Lemon?”
“In the living room,” she calls out to me.
When I walk through the kitchen into the living room, she’s sitting on the old blue couch. Most of the furniture in here belonged to her grandmother, but Lily painted the room white and put more plants in here than I can count. She has a big smile on her face. She’s happy to see me. I don’t think I ever wanted something as much as I wanted that big smile when she sees me walking towards her.
She won’t be smiling for long. Because now I’ve fucked everything up, and I’m going to lose her smile. I’m going to lose her.
No, I don’t accept that. This doesn’t end here. It doesn’t end now. I don’t want it to end period. I have to convince her of that. She has to believe me that we could be so good together. That we are so good together.
“Hey, kid. Anything exciting happen at the farm? Any scandalous stories to tell me? I was going to head into the shop in a bit, if you want to come with me.”
“One scandalous story. But you’re not going to like this one. Lemon, I need to tell you something.”
The smile on her lips falls away as her brows draw together. “You sound so serious. What’s wrong?”
