Page 38 of Ben


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“Do not burn the building down. You cannot do that.”

“At least we got him to laugh,” Martha chimes in with a wink, and I feel my chest tighten.

“I needed it,” I say softly and then sip at my drink. I really did. I haven’t laughed in ages. And now I feel like my whole world is crumbling. All I want to do is cry.

“So are you going to tell us what’s going on?” Vikki asks, adjusting her glasses and watching me intently. “We may know a thing or two. We have been alive since Jesus.”

“We know it all,” Norma says assuredly. “So spill.”

I eye the three of them, the little old ladies who have befriended me this past year, and give in with a sigh.

“I was doing two guys. I already told you all that…”

“Doing? You mean fucking?” Norma asks as Martha says, “At the same time or separately?”

“Well, yes and yes. God. Yes, fucking,” I say lowly and then add, “And at first it was separately, but last night…” Norma waggles her eyebrows as they all lean forward. “I was with them both.”

“Oh yes! Thank the Lord, hallelujah,” Vikki shouts, choking slightly and coughing until her face turns red. I worry she’s about to keel over dead, but she manages to recover after a few minutes, her eyes leaking and her face still a splotchy red. I let out a sigh of relief. I don’t want her to die.

She waves her hand around her face and then sniffles, “Go on. Why were you crying?”

“Well…” I pause and take a deep breath. “They now know that I’ve been doing them both behind each other’s backs and they’re mad. I ran out of there as soon as it was over. Just the looks on their faces… This thing between us is definitely over.”

Martha purses her lips, deep in thought, and Vikki is picking something out of her ear.

“How do you know? If anything, they’re probably mad you left. They probably want another round. Several more, in fact,” Norma says loudly, and I shake my head, swallowing roughly.

“I think it’s over. I messed up. Bad.”

Vikki wipes her finger on her shirt and then leans forward. “Had some wax in my ear and couldn’t hear. You mean to tell me that it’s over?”

“Yeah.”

I squirt some hand sanitizer in Vikki’s hands and she rubs them together, the smell of alcohol and disinfectant piercing my stuffy nose.

“I ruined it.”

They all lean closer to me, patting my legs and shoulders as I swipe at my eyes. “I’ll be fine. I’m just upset and tired, and I have to go to my dad’s shop and see them after this.”

“Oh, they work at the shop?” Vikki asks. “That’s right. Lex said something about the dad’s best friends.”

I flush red and feel the admission well up inside of me. I can’t keep it inside anymore. “Yeah, well, he was right.”

“Woooheeee,” Norma chortles, and I press a hand against my cheek.

“It’s so bad. I’m a terrible son and an even worse person.”

“No, you’re not,” Martha says as Norma chimes in that only the best people are secretly bad. It makes another laugh slip out of me, and I shake my head, sniffling loudly.

“Maybe you just shouldn’t go. Take a couple days for your mental health,” Vikki says, a voice of reason among us. It’s surprising really, but then again, they do tend to impart helpful nuggets at the most random times.

The idea isn’t terrible, and honestly, I could do without seeing them. I’ve never called out of work at the shop, and I’m sure they won’t miss me. All I do is file paperwork and help Avery when he’s overwhelmed. I’m not even paid that well. I won’t be hurting anyone if I skip out just this once.

So that’s what I do. When I’m finished at the senior home, I call Avery to say I’m not feeling well, then go straight back to my apartment and throw myself onto the bed, letting out the tears I’ve been holding in all day. It feels good, lying here in my own fluids, just being the saddest sack to ever sack.

When I’m finally done, my entire body exhausted and strung out, I close my eyes and fall into a fitful sleep.

Later. I can deal with all of this later, but I’m no good to anyone exhausted. Especially myself. That’s who I need to focus on now.

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