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“You got it. Now for the real reason for my call. Two reasons actually.”
“Uh oh. Okay, shoot.”
“First, you can congratulate me, because I got a beautiful gold collar for Christmas.”
“I’m so happy for you, man. That’s awesome news.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait for you to see it.”
“And what’s your other news? Dare I ask?”
“Oh, it’s nothing bad. We’ve been invited to a big New Year’s Eve party, and you’ll never guess whose house it’s going to be at.” He paused for a nano-second and then shouted, “Jared’s!”
“Jared?” I was silent for a moment as a spear of pain landed on my chest and sliced all the way through me. “A big party, you say? I guess my invitation must still be in the mail.”
“Don’t get all butt hurt because he didn’t invite you,” he said, probably noticing something in my voice. “It’s a private BDSM party, and he has it every few years. People talk about it for months afterward, because it’s so hardcore. The only reason I was invited was because of his friendship with Papi, and I’m his plus one.”
Hardcore? No, Jared would never invite me to anything like that. He thought I was too delicate or weak or whatever. That I wouldn’t like it. But how did I know what I liked if I never tried to find out?
I hadn’t heard from Jared since the night before Christmas Eve when he’d made love to me after I’d thrown myself at him. He’d left my apartment, and he hadn’t so much as called over Christmas, and that hurt a little, though he certainly had warned me off. And he sent me that gorgeous jacket. But he had told me in no uncertain terms that he was “wrong” for me and that he had no intention of being involved with me. Maybe I needed to take a fucking hint.
And he was right, after all. We obviously weren’t suited for each other. He was older, richer, and much better looking. I wasn’t his type. So be it. As soon as these holidays were over, I was going to find myself a life. I’d been holding out for another teaching job, but I needed to face the fact that it probably wasn’t going to happen. So I needed to stop wasting time and get another job—anywhere, doing anything. Make some money and then find myself a new place to live. One that I could afford, which definitely ruled this place out. Then I could start putting some money aside to pay Jared back. Sure, it would take a while, but late was better than never, right? But in the meantime, I had something to find out about myself.
“Cruz, I’m crashing that party.”
“What?”
“Would you and Michael let me go with you? I won’t hang around you once we get there, I promise. But I need to go. I really do.”
“Why, Connor? Because if you’re still after Jared…”
“No, I think that’s over. But I’m tired of sitting at home and letting my life pass me by. I don’t know exactly what it is that fascinates me about all this kinky stuff, but something about it really does. Jared says I’m not a sub, but how does he know? He doesn’t know what I feel inside. He’s made assumptions because of the way I look and because of the way I act too. But there is something that appeals to me in all this, and I need to figure it out so I can either embrace it or move on. Does that make any sense?”
“Yes, of course. But I don’t know what Papi will think about it.”
“If he says no, I’ll understand. But I’m crashing anyway. I’ll find a way.”
“Let me talk to him and get back to you.”
“Thanks, Cruz.”
Cruz must have talked to Mike right away, because not thirty minutes later, Jared called me. He got right to the point.
“I understand you’re thinking of crashing my New Year’s Eve party.”
“Wow, Mike lost no time in talking to you, huh?”
“Well, is it true?”
“I’d like to come, yes.”
“Connor, I’ve tried to be clear about my feelings for you.”
“Oh, believe me, you have been.”
“Then why are we still talking about this?”
“You’re the only one talking about it, Jared. I just wanted to go to the party.”
