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But I wasn’t ready to joke about it. “I told you I was coming.”
“And I told you not to.”
“Actually, you said to suit myself. So I did.”
“Of course, you did.”
I could feel my face flaming, and a look that might have been regret came into those cool, blue eyes.
He cleared his throat and tried again. “Look, Connor, I…”
"You interrupted us, Jared," Master Alex said. "I was about to show this boy my flogging technique."
“You were what?” He looked down at me and shook his head. “With Connor?" He glanced back at me and then at him.
"I didn't agree to that," I said. "Not exactly. Cruz thinks I’m not ready for that."
“Oh, you think?” Jared’s eyebrows were raised, and he kept his shocked eyes on my face. I laughed defiantly. “But then again, everyone has to start this at one time or another, right?”
“Who cares what Cruz thinks?” Alex said. “Forgive me, Michael, but he’s your sub. He shouldn’t be involved in this conversation.”
Michael flushed with anger and took an aggressive step forward, pushing Cruz behind him. “I can take care of my own business, but thank you for your concern, Alex. There are plenty of subs here tonight. Why not go find one?”
Alex sneered at him and gave him a tight smile as he turned away. I saw Jared already being pulled aside to talk to some tall, good looking sub and jealousy flooded over me. I pulled on Alex’s arm before he could walk away. “Wait.”
He glanced down at me, and I suddenly didn’t want him to leave. This was my chance. “They’re right. I am inexperienced, but I want to know what it feels like. I mean, every sub has to start somewhere, right? I’m interested in learning more. Can you show me?”
He gazed down at me with interest. “And you think you’re a sub?”
“I don’t honestly know. I’d like to find out, but I need someone to help me do that.”
Interested in finding out? What the actual fuck was I talking about? Was I really going to do this? I wanted to say, oh never mind, as soon as the words came out of my mouth, but at the same time, I really wanted to know. I knew that I was at once fascinated and scared to death of it, but maybe, if I did like it, and it turned me on, Jared might even decide I was worth his time and attention again. And if the pain I was asking this Dom to inflict on me was real enough, it might even make me real. No more dwelling on my past or all my failures in life, or the fact that I was living on the kindness of strangers. Hell, it was worth a shot.
“Is that right?” Alex said, as his eyes looked me up and down. “Maybe you should let me show you then. Here at this party, where things are more casual. I promise I'll take your inexperience into consideration. I’ve trained more than a few subs in my time. Consider this your first session."
I was frozen with apprehension as he spoke to me. I felt the heat suffuse my face as he looked at me. Was I crazy for doing this?
Then Master Alex spoke to me again. "What do you say, pet? Do you want to play?"
I opened my mouth to say no, but then I glanced up at Jared and saw him glaring at both of us intently. Did he think I wouldn't do it? That I'd be afraid to even try?
"Stop. You’re scaring him," Jared said, on his own again and tuning back into the conversation.
"I’d never want to do that," Alex said softly with a little gleam in his eyes. "Come on Connor. Let's do this. What do you say?"
Cruz grabbed my arm. “You don’t have to do this. Aren’t you scared?”
“Should I be?” I asked softly. “No, it’s what I want.”
The big man in front of me was talking, going on and on about safewords. All I could seem to do was look at Jared, who was staring steadily and disapprovingly at me, looking like he might intervene at any moment and shut this down.
“Are you paying attention, boy?” The soft voice coming from the Dom in front of me was intruding in my thoughts, and I nodded quickly and tuned back in. “Your friends are here to watch. Is that all right with you? Will you let me show you a few things? I promise to take it easy on you.”
Alex held out his hand to me. His big, strong hand that he no doubt used to hold paddles and whips and all manner of Dom-like things so he could beat people’s asses. That same hand was about to beat mine too, and I’d more or less volunteered to get it done. It was a large hand and I glanced over at Jared to see him watching me. He had big hands too. I knew for a fact how he could use those hands to make people come so hard they forgot their own names. I glanced up at his eyes and he was frowning at me.
"You don't have to do this, Connor. You have nothing to prove to anyone."
"I know. But I want to see. I’m interested to see if I like it."
