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“I have to leave.”
“I thought you were off,” she mumbled, voice soft and raspy from sleep.
“I am, but it’s Saturday. I need to go see my sister.”
Maci shifted away to look at me. “How is Amy?”
“Fine.”
Maci seemed to wait for me to add something else and prompted, “You don’t talk about her much,” when I didn’t.
“There isn’t much to say.” The response came out swift and terse as that instinctive compulsion to shut down any further conversation regarding my sister took over.
Those gray eyes were so close as she studied me that I saw the brief flare of pain and acceptance before she shut down. That mask of indifference slipping over her and making my chest tighten.
Fuck.
“Maci,” I began when she pulled away and started getting off the bed. “Don’t go.”
She shrugged as she grabbed her pants from the floor but didn’t look back at me as she pulled them on. “You said you have to leave, so I’m going.”
“Not yet, and not like this.”
“Like what?” she asked as if she didn’t know exactly what she was doing. Pushing me away and hardening herself so no one would know she felt anything—as if she hadn’t broken down in my arms just last night. With an unconcerned glance at me and another shrug, she added, “It isn’t a big deal; I have things to do anyway. Have fun with my brothers tonight.”
“Maci, I know you, and I know what you’re doing,” I said as I rounded my bed to follow her. “I told you not to pull this tough act with me.”
She paused in the bedroom doorway with her hand on the knob as if she’d intended to shut the door behind her, then released a frustrated breath as she finally turned to face me. “I don’t believe you.”
My head slanted and eyebrows drew together in confusion even as I said, “Pretty fucking sure I can tell when you’re pretending with everyone—especially me.”
Her eyes rolled, but the look was pure acceptance and defeat as she clarified, “Your sister. I don’t believe that there isn’t much to say about her.”
And just like that, I felt my own emotionless mask slip into place until my expression probably resembled something closer to how I appeared when interrogating or interviewing people.
“You’re extremely protective of her, Connor,” Maci went on. “So much so, that I think I’ve only seen her twice in my life? And one of those times, you pushed her into another room. The other, you hurried her toward her car. Have my brothers even met her?”
“What difference does it make?”
“It makes every difference,” she said on an exasperated breath. “You wouldn’t hide her, you wouldn’t be this protective of her, if there was nothing to say.” She gestured to me. “Why would I stay here when you’re so clearly lying to me?”
A groan rumbled in my chest as I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Maci—”
“Don’t,” she said over me. “Don’t say my name like that. Don’t look at me like I’m the one being unreasonable.” She nodded at me as she struggled to lock that façade in place. “You don’t want me to put on a front around you, but I’m looking at yours. You don’t want me to ‘pull this tough act’ with you, but I don’t know what else you could possibly expect from me when I know you’re hiding something.”
Buried memories and lifelong fears burst to the surface and mixed with the latest dream until I was fighting the nauseating tremors rolling through my body. Until I felt at once like I was burning alive and being frozen from the inside out.
She was right—I was doing exactly what I’d accused her of and begged her not to. But I didn’t know how to give Maci what she wanted.
Sharing my past with Cassidy and other people who could benefit from my story was one thing. Telling Maci was another entirely. She had no idea Amy and I were even adopted, let alone what we’d survived. And if I told her about my past, I’d have to tell her about my fears for the future.
I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t ready to lose her.
Pushing away the onslaught of nightmares, I held her pleading stare and lied, “You think I’m hiding something from you.”
Disappointment exploded from her, reaching across the room and gripping me tight. “Have a good day.”
I instinctively moved to stop her but rocked back when she shut the door behind her.
