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I shoved the unsettling urges back, shuffling closer to Nua as we walked.
“So that path… Was that how the Brid came through?” I asked hoarsely. “To meet my dad.”
There was a pause before Nua said, “No. There is another path the seelie use to get here. That was the one she took to… meet mortal men.”
“But did it come out here? In the same place?”
“Yes.”
“Is this the only one? The only path to the mortal world?”
“No, there are many. Some have been closed off over the years. They don’t all lead to here.”
“Are they all in the forest?” I asked. “On the other side, I mean.”
“Yes. All paths lead back to the Woods of Orna.”
“So it was just… chance that she used the one that brought her here.” I stared as the trees started thinning out ahead of us, revealing wide fields that were uncomfortably familiar.
“Yes. I suppose,” Nua said softly, glancing over at me.
“The Brid told me a bit about… about when she met my dad.” I licked my lips, shaking my head. “I didn’t really—I don’t understand why she slept with him. Didn’t she hate mortals?”
Nua cocked his head. “She didn’t hate them. She just saw them as beneath her, like everyone else. But she was narcissistic and lived for attention. Mortal men were… They adored her. They worshipped her. She thrived on it.”
I nodded, trying not to feel too bitter when I said, “But she wasn’t supposed to get pregnant from them, right? So she tried to get rid of me.”
Nua was silent for a moment. “Ash, we don’t have to talk about—”
“No.” My voice was curt, so I tried to soften it. “I want to know. I-I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of asking anything when… But I do. I want to know.”
He sighed, reaching over and gently squeezing my wrist for a moment. “Yes, she tried to get rid of you. She tried everything. Nothing worked.”
“Why?” I croaked.
“I don’t know,” Nua said softly. “Maybe your father had some fae in him, a long way back, that made it harder to… Maybe the Higher Spirits were intervening. It just seemed like the universe wanted you to be born. To live.”
I didn’t know if that was supposed to make me feel better, bring me some comfort, but all it did was send shuddering unease through my chest. It made me feel like my life had been planned out by some unseen force before I’d even been born. Like nothing I did really mattered, because it would all lead to the same end result.
Like I still had no control, and something else was dictating my actions, making sure I fulfilled whatever purpose had been set out for me.
I knew the concept of fate comforted some people, but I found it more horrifying than anything else. The idea that I had no say over my life, even if it felt like I was making my own decisions, acting of my own free will. That whatever I did, my future was already mapped out, choices already made, consequences to my actions already decided.
If that was true, then what was the point in anything? What was the point in trying so hard to be better than the Brid, trying desperately to fit into my new skin, my new life? Wouldn’t it all just turn out the way it was meant to no matter what I did?
I cleared my throat, pushing the bleak thoughts back as I said, “So she left me on my dad’s doorstep when I was born with a plan to make you steal my fae powers when they started to emerge.”
“Yes,” Nua said hoarsely, shame colouring his voice. “That was her plan.”
“Why not just kill me when I was born?” I croaked. “Why did she need whatever power I’d taken from her so badly? Wasn’t she strong enough?”
“She was greedy,” Nua said simply, then hesitated. “But… I believe there was more to it than that. I think you took more from her than offspring usually would. That’s one of the reasons fae monarchs don’t have too many children. Each one saps a little bit of power from them to keep for themselves. After you were born, the summers stopped being as hot. The flowers took longer to bloom on seelie land. The air grew colder during the Bitter Months. I think you weakened her.”
I snorted without humour. “This is all making me sound like some kind of… fae wunderkind. Like I was ‘destined for greatness’.”
“You were.”
I shot Nua a sharp look, my gut twisting with discomfort. Before I could say anything, he spoke again.
