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No one spoke as he left, the door clicking shut behind him. My entire body was trembling with impotent desperation. Lonan was gone and I was stuck here for seven days. Seven whole days until I could go after him.
I didn’t know how I was going to get through it.
My eyes settled on the bottles of wine Mol had left on the table. Before I even realised I was moving, I found myself walking over and picking one up.
“Maybe I will have a drink,” I said too loudly as I fumbled to pull out the cork. “Not like I can go anywhere, right?”
“Ash…” Nua hesitantly approached.
“I can’t go and find him. I can’t help him. I can’t tell him I’m sorry.” I finally yanked the cork free and immediately brought the bottle to my lips. After gulping down several mouthfuls, I pulled it away to add, “I can’t do anything, so I might as well get drunk.”
Getting drunk might make these horrible feelings go away. It might make me feel normal.
And if I got drunk enough, hopefully I’d black out instead of driving myself mad with worry over Lonan. Especially as it already felt like I was going mad anyway.
“I’m going to bed,” I mumbled several long, long hours later.
Nua and Gillie had stayed with me well into the evening, even though I’d been piss-poor company. All I’d done was sit there nursing my bottle of wine, then another one. Then a third.
My teeth and the inside of my mouth felt rough. Almost powdery. My head swam, and I could barely keep my eyes open.
But strangely, I felt the tiniest bit better. Alcohol had dulled all my senses. It was actually letting me think clearer than I had in what felt like weeks. The festering rage had settled to a simmer that was easier to ignore. The urge to weep was mostly gone.
Even the pain of Lonan leaving was muted. It still felt like there was a knife jabbing between my ribs, but wine had softened the edges of the blade.
I kept thinking about that guard, sitting in the dank dungeon beneath the palace.
“What was her name?” I asked Nua, my words slurring together.
“Whose, Ash?”
“The guard.” I rose unsteadily to my feet. “The guard who let Lonan go.”
Through bleary eyes, I saw him and Gillie exchange a look. When neither of them spoke, I huffed. “I’m not gonna hurt her or anything. I jus’ forgot. I wanna know. She said she was his friend.”
After a pause, Nua cautiously told me, “Sanya. Her name is Sanya.”
I nodded. “Nice. Cool. Well, I’m going to bed.”
Nua quickly rose from his seat. “We will walk you to your room.”
I waved a hand, already weaving my way toward the door. “Nah, I’ll be fine getting there. Thanks, though.”
“Lad…” Gillie sounded uneasy.
“Seriously, I’ll be fine.” I fumbled with the door handle.
“Ash.” Nua appeared beside me and gently grasped my arm. “Please let us help you.”
I shook my head, keeping my gaze averted. “I think I just want to be on my own.”
He didn’t move at first, then sighed and released me. “Alright. Please be careful.”
I didn’t answer as I finally pulled the door open and stumbled out of the room. Gillie and Nua followed me, and I could feel them watching as I wandered unsteadily down the hallway. Once I turned the corner, I heard them speaking in low voices as they went the other way.
I began heading towards my rooms, just like I’d told them I would, but with every step I took, the thought of spending the night without Lonan made me feel more and more nauseated. Or maybe that was the wine.
I stopped for a few seconds, then turned and walked in a different direction, not sure where my feet were taking me until I found myself in the narrow, little-used corridor that contained the staircase leading down to the cellar.
