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I headed down it, my boots loud on the stone steps. I hadn’t spent any time down here, not even in the drachmsmith chamber that Lonan, Nua and Gillie had so lovingly prepared for me. I wondered if I’d ever get to spend time in there as I passed it, making my way towards the rusted metal door at the end of the corridor.
A guard was posted outside it. He gave me a wary nod as I approached, then quickly unlocked and opened the door.
“Luad. Sa—The guard is in a cell, as you requested.”
I gave an absent nod back, walking past him without a word. The air was cold and slightly stagnant in here, clearing some of the wine-fog from my head as I walked. Torchlight flickered over the sweating stone walls, and I could see that only one cell had its own torch lit at the far end of the walkway.
The guard, Sanya, was sitting on a thin pallet made of straw and old cloth, her back against the wall and her head tipped toward the ceiling. A cup of water and a half-finished bowl of stew rested on the stone floor beside her.
She opened her eyes when I stopped in front of the cell, but didn’t otherwise react. Shame filled me as I watched her in silence for a few seconds, then slowly sank down to sit cross-legged right in front of the bars.
I licked my lips nervously, tasting the red wine staining my mouth. My voice was hoarse when I spoke. “Was… was he alright? When he left?”
She sighed and stretched out her legs, crossing her ankles. “He was resigned. Weary.”
My chin wobbled, eyes filling with hot tears. I looked down quickly to hide them, picking at the untucked hem of my shirt.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “For how I reacted. For putting you in here. You’re not—I’m letting you out. Obviously. I just… lost my temper. I didn’t handle the news well.”
“I appreciate it,” she said, her voice carefully flat.
I parted my lips to ask what Lonan had told her, what he’d said about me, then closed them again. I couldn’t ask her that. It wasn’t fair to him.
“I’m… I’m glad he had someone he could talk to,” I croaked instead, throat aching as I tried to keep my emotions in check. “I’m glad he had someone he could turn to for help. I never meant to…”
I trailed off, and Sanya didn’t try to fill the silence. I could feel her watching me as I rubbed my face, then rested my head wearily against the bars.
“You know I can’t keep you working here as a guard anymore,” I said dully, guilt cramping my stomach. “I’m sorry.”
“I know. I knew that when I decided to help him. I understand.”
My mouth trembled. “I’m sorry for what I said. I don’t really want to kill you.”
To my shock, she snorted. “You certainly did in that moment. But we all have our breaking points. You can only lose so much before a particular loss makes you reach the limit of what you’re able to withstand. But this loss is only temporary, Luad. You still have Lonan. He isn’t gone for good.”
But he might be.
I rubbed my wet eyes, climbing unsteadily to my feet. “I’ll tell the guard to let you out. Do you… do you have somewhere to go?”
“Yes. I’ll be fine.” She stood and gave me a tiny smile. “I know I might be pushing my luck by asking, but… when Lonan does return, will I be permitted to see him? He’s my friend.”
I nodded quickly. “Yeah, of course. Yes. I can’t… I’m not going to stop Lonan from seeing who he wants to see. I wouldn’t do that.”
“I appreciate it, Luad.”
“I’m sorry again,” I mumbled, then turned to leave.
“I’m sorry too,” she said quietly. “For playing a part in something that caused you such pain. But… I care for him, Luad. And it was time for him to go. He made the decision to leave, and the way he left wasn’t because he doesn’t love you. It was because it felt like the only way.”
Because of me. I couldn’t answer, just nodded and ducked my head as I hurried away from the cell. When I reached the guard outside the dungeon door, I told him, “Let her go and accompany her out of the palace. She can collect any belongings she may have here before she leaves.”
“Yes, Luad,” the guard said cautiously.
I could feel his eyes on me as I walked away, and the eyes of every other guard and staff member I passed as I made my way through the palace. Their gazes made my skin crawl, made me want to hide away in shame.
When I reached our bedroom, I closed the door and stood there in silence. My eyes filled with hot tears until they overflowed, spilling down my cheeks. Wiping my nose with my sleeve, I slowly walked around to Lonan’s side of the bed.
His blades were gone, which meant he must have come to collect them while Nua and I were in the forest. He’d left as soon as he could, then. As soon as he knew I wasn’t around to try and stop him.
