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“And then he found out that she was pregnant.” The smile Sloga offered me was laced with both affection and sorrow. “And Faulis knew he couldn’t leave then. He wouldn’t leave you with her. He wanted you, Lonan. The moment he found out you existed in her womb, he loved you fiercely. He would have done anything to keep you safe, so he stayed.”
“He should have left.” My voice was hoarse. “He shouldn’t have stayed with her because of me.”
“He disagreed.”
“But if he stayed with her, if he did what she wanted, why did she kill him?” My voice shook. My eyes were hot, but I was trying my best to keep my emotions at bay. I needed to hear the rest. I needed to know.
“Because the closer it got to you being born, the more protective he grew. He didn’t want you anywhere near her or her other sons. So he started making plans to flee with you the moment he could. He didn’t care about what she might do by then—he was willing to bear the guilt of how she might retaliate, if it kept you safe. If it got you away from her. That was the most important thing to him.”
I swallowed thickly. “And she found out?”
“She suspected. She had succeeded in breaking much of his spirit, but by then, she had realised that she would never break him fully. Especially not once he had you. So she waited until just a few days before you were due to be born, until he was so close to meeting you, and then she… she killed him.”
Sloga shuddered with grief, hunching over further, letting go of Idony’s hand to wrap his long arms around his lanky body. “I felt it. I felt the moment he… left the world. I knew. And then Ankou visited me and told me that he had taken Faulis to the afterlife…”
“When I heard Sloga’s cries all the way from the village, I realised too.” Idony’s green eyes glistened in the firelight. “I knew there was only one thing in the world that would make him cry out like that.”
“So he died because of me.” My voice was tight, throat almost too thick to speak. “Because he stayed for me.”
“No.” Furious vehemence coloured Sloga’s voice as he reached out and gripped my arm. “He died because of her.”
“Why didn’t you stop her?” The question burst from me. I was breathing hard, my hands clenching into fists, completely squashing the half-eaten fruit in one of them. “You’re a Higher Spirit. You’re practically a god. Surely you could have stopped her.”
Sloga flinched. Idony shot me a murderous glare, getting to her knees to shuffle closer to him and wrap her arm around his back.
“Do you think he wouldn’t have stopped her if he could have?” she snarled. “The Higher Spirits have rules they must follow, just as we do. He can’t harm the unseelie monarch. He can’t harm any unseelie. And even if he could, are you saying he should have killed the Carlin, and therefore killed you, Faulis’ son?”
“He could have done something,” I shot back before thinking better of it.
“I did try.” Sloga’s voice was small, ashamed, making a tendril of guilt worm through my gut. “I tried. I pleaded with the Carlin when she first started showing an interest in him. I begged him to flee, to vanish deep into the forest where she’d never find him, even though it meant we couldn’t be together. And when she fell pregnant with you… It wasn’t my place to force him away from his unborn son. That would have hurt him just as badly.”
I swallowed, trying to control my breathing, my eyes blurry. “I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“It’s alright.” Sloga let out a shaky breath. “I understand. I live with the guilt of it every single moment. There are a million things I wish I had done differently.”
“I think the prince here must know firsthand just how ruthless the Carlin can be when she wants something.” Idony’s voice was hard, and she shot me another scathing look as she huddled closer to Sloga’s side. “How nothing can stop her.”
“Yes.” My voice was faint.
“His death wasn’t your fault, Sloga. Nor was it yours, prince,” she added curtly. “It was hers and only hers, and when Ankou finally visits her to take her to the afterlife, she will be forced to face all the lives she has destroyed.”
I gritted my teeth, eyes burning as I stared into the fire. All traces of doubt, of reluctance to be the hand that took my mother’s life, had been scoured away.
I was going to make sure that she faced the consequences of her actions very, very soon.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Lonan
While cooler than the fire that burned on seelie, the heat from the hearth began to overwhelm me. Everything I had just learned pounded through my head, shocking and violent and relentless.
I stood abruptly, almost kicking over my cup. “I need to… I need to step outside for a moment.”
Sadness filled Sloga’s eyes. He nodded, but reached out and clasped my arm when I turned to leave.
“I understand if you don’t want to stay. If you decide to leave. But please know that…” His sunken eyes glistened. “I loved your father more than anything in this world and the next. And he loved me just as fiercely. But you… Even though he never got to meet you, you mattered most to him. He would have done anything for you.”
I couldn’t answer, my throat convulsing as I swallowed repeatedly.
