AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"I do. What, she's the only one who can speak her mind?" TJ threw a hand in the air, or rather, half threw a hand in the air before wincing from the pain.
"My timing isn't the best," I agreed. "But I don't know when else to say this. I can't wait for the perfect moment to share something with you guys."
"Anytime one of us isn't fighting for their life is great," he snapped.
My fingers curled into a fist. Maybe this was selfish. Maybe I should have taken smaller steps. It was always all in or all out with me. Happy mediums didn't exist in my world.
"Go," TJ said. "It's easier when you go."
"No," Ash tried to stop me as I stood up.
"It's fine." I waved him off. "He's right, at least for now. We can talk about this back at the house. I'm not leaving for good, just for now."
"Sage." Ash followed me to the door, still clutching his book like a life raft. "Come on."
"It's just for now," I repeated before leaving. "I promise."
I hadn't expected a welcome agreement; TJ wasn't the kind of guy to reflect when necessary. Ash, though gentler, wasn't going to up and start dealing with his shit on his own, no matter how much he wanted. Giving them tough love felt awful. The chasm that would widen between us would make me sick to my stomach, but the relief of not having to come up with some life-saving plan made me relaxed enough to register the midnight black shade of my bike. I could see the vibrancy in my favorite color again. That alone made this worth it.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Noah
The sinking feeling in my chest after my argument with Sage wouldn't go away. I texted her with a request to meet at the parking garage, and her response was a simple 'okay.' I turned that four-letter word over and over in my mind until my stomach churned along with it. Our argument had been tame compared to some blowouts in my previous relationships, but the quiet frustration that seeped through Sage's words hurt me far more than yelling would have. She'd looked at me like I was some kid incapable of understanding the big words at the adult table, like I couldn't fathom logic or think through problems.
She was there before I arrived. I didn't know whether to be relieved that we would be able to jump right in, or anxious about not getting a minute to think of a game plan.
I didn't know what I wanted to say—all I knew was I didn't want to lose her, but I also couldn't bear the thought of art being a recurring issue in our relationship. Neither of us could survive without our comics, and when one of us inevitably got in the other's way, the sadness would evolve into an anger that'd cut like it had this morning. I wouldn't be able to take that for long, and I doubt she could either.
"Hey." My greeting was soft as I joined her at the edge of the lot. Sage's elbows were on top of the concrete wall, her gaze toward the ocean. The cool night breeze urged her scent my way, and I wanted to curl up next to her. Still, I held firm in my position a foot away from her.
"Hey." Sage nudged her chin toward the empty lot in front of the ocean. "They're starting to build again. It's going to be another hotel."
"Exactly what we need," I said sarcastically.
She sighed, still staring at the lot. "Yeah, exactly."
The small waves lapped at the shore, and the last bit of sun painted the water orange. I chewed on the inside of my cheek, trying to formulate something to trigger the conversation we needed to have. Sage cleared her throat after a couple of minutes, beating me to it.
"I wasn't upset with you." She finally looked at me. "I was upset with how I ruined my chance after dedicating years to Harpy. I might have been jealous, though, unsure how to deal with that since I'm also so proud of you."
My throat tightened at the sincerity in her eyes.
"Falling in love with someone who wants everything I do in the art world isn't something I thought would ever happen," she continued. "So, yes, it was hard, and I couldn't vocalize that immediately. The conflicting emotions made me defensive. I shouldn't have snapped at you."
"I pushed you too much," I said. "It was a reflex. I didn't want resentment to take control, and the only way I knew how to do that was to force you to talk. When you decided to figure it out on your own, I thought that meant you didn’t see me as capable of understanding.”
She frowned. “Noah, I know you’re more than capable. I’m just used to being the one coming up with the game plan alone.”
“I understand, but…" I looked down at my hands, trying to figure out how to tell her I needed to be heard or else I couldn't do this. I couldn't do us.
"But I can't do that anymore," she finished for me.
I looked up, brows raised at the ease of her confession.
"Doing everything on my own is what got me into my mess in the first place," Sage said. "I'm sorry you were reaching for me, and I pushed you away. It was instinct. That’s not an excuse, but…I hope you understand and know that I'm going to be better. I have to get used to this, get used to having someone to lean on. Give me some, I promise, I will."
She picked at her nails as she talked. Sage kept trying to hold my gaze, but her eyes kept shifting back to the lot or the sky above. This was the first time I'd seen her afraid—afraid of what I'd say, that if her words weren't enough.
