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"I'm sorry too," I whispered. "I shouldn't have tried to pressure you to talk. You weren't ready. I was feeling insecure about their decision and my place at Harpy and…my place with you."
"What do you mean your place with me?"
I shrugged. "I can't help but wonder if our relationship would work better if we didn't want the same things out of our career. It feels impossible that we'd stop comparing ourselves to each other. Because of that, I can't help but wonder if we'd be better off apart."
Sage watched me and stayed quiet for a minute.
"This won't be the first time something like this will get in between us." My body felt heavy. The more I spoke, the more I tried to convince myself that separating could be what's best for us. "We want to be on top and we'll always get in one another's way. That's not the makings of a healthy relationship."
Her fingers were shaking now, but Sage tucked them into her jacket pockets and stepped away from the wall. I watched her walk a few paces away.
"You really think that?" She turned back to me, the hurt in her eyes like the beginning of a summer storm. Quiet, dark, and necessary. "That we are better apart? After all of this?"
I blinked rapidly, trying to stave off tears. "I think so."
"You think?" Sage came close again. "Or you know? BecausePastel, before you break my heart, please know."
I massaged my neck as pain sparked up and down my spine. All I knew for sure was that I was falling in love with her. The feeling had taken hold of me, and even if we ended now, I knew it wouldn't let me go.
"Because I know I want to be with you," she said firmly. "I know I want to see your smile and hear your voice every day. I know I want to help you feel seen and heard. I know not a day goes by when I won't work hard to give you everything you deserve. I know that you want me to have everything I deserve. You're never going to make things easy. You'll never sugar coat things. I know when we're together, we are petty assholes, but we're also something beautiful, something far bigger than the art. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Noah, we can be bigger than the art. I know that."
My vision was a blur, the overwhelming hope in her helping to revive my smaller spark. Maybe this could work. We'd hit bumps along the way and struggle with our insecurities, but the possibility of us together was too beautiful not to want it.
"All I know is that I want to be with you," I whispered. "Even with all this fear, I want to be with you."
"Then that's enough," she promised. "Knowing that is more than enough."
I nodded and closed the distance between us. She welcomed me into her arms, and I cupped her face, tilting her up for a kiss.
"I can't bear the thought of us getting closer and ruining this," I whispered against her lips. "It terrifies me to lose you after all this. I don't want to hurt you, especially unintentionally."
"You won't," she promised and kissed me again. "Because we're going to talk. No more simply sketching on each other's notes. We are going to work through the hard stuff together. We just have to be open to trying. Will you try it for me?"
I nodded and brushed circles on her cheeks. "I will. I'll give it everything I have."
"So will I," she said. “I'm so sorry I ruined your moment earlier. I am proud of you. You deserve the pitch. They’d be lucky to have your stories.”
“Don’t apologize for that." I pressed my forehead to hers for a second. "This was about both of us. Your disappointment is as important as my excitement."
She smiled, thankful for the validation. "What do you think I should do after we ship Leisah? That's what I thought I needed to figure out on my own, what I should have asked you, because I genuinely need your perspective."
I frowned and pulled back to get a better look at her. "What do you mean?"
"Stay or leave Harpy?" she asked. "Tyson thinks I should leave."
My heart dropped. "You want to leave?"
"No…" She paused to consider. "Maybe?"
"But why? We…we're making something great." I felt numb at the thought of her saying goodbye right as we were getting things started.
"I know, but I've been there for a long time, and I'm starting to think I've learned everything I needed to at this point. You did say you were surprised I hadn't moved on."
"You're going to take a newbie's advice on your career? This is my first staff job, remember?"
She laughed, and I was so happy that sparkle had returned to her eyes. "You're far wiser than you give yourself credit for. Yes, I'm going to take your advice."
I nodded and took a deep breath as I considered her question. "How did it feel when Tyson told you to leave?"
