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WE’RE BOTH IN A GOOD mood as we start off. We drink our hot chocolate, and I play Christmas music. We discuss our route to our first destination today and agree to take back roads instead of the interstate to avoid holiday traffic and make the drive more relaxed.
I’m in a perfectly good mood until about an hour and a half later, when it crosses my mind that Brian should be here.
Not that I really miss him. But it still festers that I got dumped. I fall into silence as I mentally sort out how I’m feeling.
“What’s up with you?” Chase asks out of the blue.
I blink over at him. “What do you mean?” I haven’t made a sound or a gesture. There’s no way he can know my shift of mood.
He evidently does. “I thought you were happy and excited.”
“I am. I really am. But I’m also going through a breakup. That isn’t easy.”
His lip curls up on one side. “Are you heartbroken?” He sounds more grumpy than anything else.
“No,” I admit. “It’s kind of embarrassing since I thought I was so into him, but you were right the other day. I don’t really miss him at all.”
Something in his shoulders and jaw relaxes. “That’s good then.”
“I guess.”
“Why wouldn’t it be good for it not to be hard that he’s not in your life anymore?”
“Just that I should have known better. For me, feeling stupid is almost as hard as feeling sad.”
“Eh. That’s just because you’re good at everything. It’s good for you to feel like the rest of us mere mortals and not always have everything under control. Feeling stupid is good for you.”
“Thanks a lot.”
I slow down around a tight curve in the road, and when I’ve cleared it, I glance over at him. “What about you?”
“Me? I often feel stupid.”
With a huff of amusement, I reply, “Not that. I mean, what about your social life since you’re so interested in mine.”
“What about my social life?”
“Why haven’t you been dating lately?”
“What makes you think I haven’t been?”
I frown, thinking through the words. I’ve been sure for the past six months or so he hasn’t been dating at all, which is a shift in his habits since he used to often go out with women. Nearly always casual, but it was definitely a norm for him. “Have you been dating someone and keeping it a secret? Why would you do that?”
I suddenly feel a little sick at the idea that he might have gotten serious about a woman and never given me even a clue.
He doesn’t answer. It feels like he’s covertly studying my profile, but I can’t turn my head to confirm since I don’t want him to see what I’m feeling.
“Who is she?” I ask after a minute, forcing my tone into something light and natural. “Are you really into her?”
“I’m not dating anyone.”
There’s a ridiculous rush of relief that doesn’t make sense, given the nature of our relationship.
It’s most likely because I don’t like the idea of him keeping secrets from me like that.
“Oh. Okay. So why haven’t you been dating?”
“Haven’t been in the mood.”
