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Whenever my mood drops, Chase seems to recognize it. He’ll make me laugh or say something to annoy me, and I’ll immediately be distracted from my concerns.
He’s not going to let things change between us—exactly as he promised.
And I absolutely positively shouldn’t be occasionally wondering if maybe I secretly kind of want things to change.
When this thought occurs to me yet again, Chase announces he’s getting hungry and it’s time for us to consider what we want for dinner.
This new mission pulls me out of my thoughts. We’re almost at the end of the light displays, so we traipse back up to the coast road. The first thing Chase sees is someone carrying a huge slice of pizza. He asks them where they got it from, and we follow the directions to a pizza joint that’s not much in terms of ambience but is clearly very popular.
It’s so crowded that we have to squeeze in a tiny table in the far back corner, but I don’t care. I’d rather sit down than try to eat while we walk. The pizza is delicious, and we end up chatting with the family seated only a few inches away from us.
Chase can make friends with anyone, anywhere. I have a great time listening to his sober conversation with the youngest boy about a video game I’ve never even heard of.
We take our time walking back to the hotel. Chase wants to stop at half a dozen places, getting small sweets and buying trinkets.
I buy him a silly scarf since he doesn’t have one. It’s got a line of elves on surfboards in different poses on it. Then I wind it around his neck and make him wear it.
He laughs and pulls it up over his mouth to show off the elves better. Nothing embarrasses him. He’s really quite remarkable. I wish I were more like him.
I’m staring out at the dark ocean, illuminated dimly by the Christmas lights, when a couple of boys come running toward us.
Chase pulls me out of the way automatically, tucking me into one of his arms. Then he keeps it there as we continue to walk.
When the traffic on the sidewalk breaks us apart, he releases me but then grabs for my hand to pull me back to his side. He doesn’t let it go, so we end up walking hand in hand.
I glance over at him covertly a couple of times, but his expression is natural, completely clueless. I have to wonder if he’s even aware he’s holding my hand.
It’s not like we’ve ever done it before—except for the other night when we were faking for Carly.
And kind of on the hike.
I have no idea what to make of it, but I like it too much to pull my hand away. People seeing us will assume we’re a couple. And I want them to think that. I want it to look like I’m attached to Chase that way.
I’m not sure what that says about me. I’m not normally a needy kind of person. But I’ve kind of felt that way lately.
With him.
Before I can sink into more brooding, Chase points out a couple of little kids who are dancing ecstatically to some street musicians playing Christmas music.
I laugh, and we pause to watch them for several minutes until the kids get tired and go back to their parents. Chase puts some cash into the musicians’ tip jar before we continue toward the hotel.
We’re only a few minutes away, and Chase asks if I’m ready to go back to the room. When I say I’m not, we wander around the back to the pool and large deck overlooking the beach. We stand against the railing, staring out at the ocean. It’s so dark now it’s not much more than a roaring mass slightly darker than the sky with occasional patches of lighter foam.
Some other kids are playing down in the sand, their activities lit by the flashlights on their parents’ phones.
We watch them for a few minutes.
Then I ask without thinking, “Do you remember much about your parents?”
When Chase doesn’t answer immediately, I check his face. He’s studying me, like he’s trying to figure out why I’m asking.
“Just wondering,” I add with a shrug. “You never talk about them.”
“I know. I was seven when they died. I do remember them, but a lot of it is fuzzy. My mom, I think, was a lot like me. I remember her laughing a lot. Never angry or impatient.”
“And your dad?”
“He was maybe more serious. A little intimidating. But I wasn’t scared of him. I loved them both. They loved me. They were good to me.”
