AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I feel different.
Everything has changed, and I thought the changes were good.
But maybe they weren’t.
I manage to talk myself out of despair and check in with Chase over text to see how things are going with him. He says his grandmother is wanting to hear the entire narrative of the trip even though he kept her updated with regular phone calls. And he says I’ll be proud of him because he’s already unpacked his bag.
I tell him good job, and I feel better when I put down my phone.
He’s fine. We’re fine. I’ve been making up problems because of my own need to control every step of a relationship. I need to do better.
I’m not going to sabotage what we have with my own insecurities.
My parents want me to go over for an early dinner before the church service we always attend, and my mom asks me to stop by the store to pick up whipping cream and vanilla ice cream since she forgot them. I tell her I’ll grab them before I head over, and then I make sure I leave my house by four thirty since the closest grocery store is closing at five today because it’s Christmas Eve.
In the checkout line at the grocery store, someone calls out a greeting. It’s Dan, who’s hurrying up behind me with a loaf of fresh bread and a big bag of stuffing mix.
“Picking up forgotten essentials too, I see,” he says with a grin.
I tell him I am, and he asks me about the road trip. He wants to know all the best things we saw, and I chat with him happily as we buy our items and then walk out of the store.
He’s standing near my car, a grocery bag hooked over his forearm, his brown hair gleaming in the orangey light of the lowering sun, when he says in an almost confidential tone, “So did Park finally make a move on you?”
I blink up at him, utterly surprised. Wordless.
He chuckles. “Does that mean yes?”
“That means it’s none of your business,” I manage to reply in an appropriately cool tone.
“All right. I’ll shut up. But I hope he did. The poor guy’s been gone on you forever.” He gives me a friendly half hug and strides toward his car.
My heart is galloping now with jittery excitement. If even Dan noticed Chase has had feelings for me in the past, then surely those feelings are real.
He’s not going to want to put too many brakes on—not if he’s really that into me.
It certainly felt like he was into me.
Surely I wasn’t so completely wrong about it.
I watch Dan, lost in my own thoughts, until he reaches his car and waves again. I wave back and start to open my driver’s side door. As I do, I notice another car has pulled into the parking lot. It’s a familiar fifty-year-old pickup truck that used to belong to Chase’s grandfather. Chase himself has gotten out and is standing beside it, staring at me.
I blink, surprised by his sudden presence. But then I smile and wave at him, thrilled to see him so unexpectedly.
He waves back. Doesn’t smile. Gestures toward his watch and then turns away. “Sorry. I’ve got to get in there before it closes,” he calls out, already striding toward the doors to the store. “I’ll see you at the Christmas Eve service.”
It feels like I’ve been punched in the gut.
Like he’s rejected me.
But even that reaction is ridiculous. There are only a few minutes left before five o’clock. Of course he needs to rush in so he can get what he wants.
It’s not a personal insult. It’s not about the state of our relationship. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t think a thing about it, but at the moment, I’m shaking again, almost in tears.
Because as much as I try to rationalize it away, I know—I know—that something is wrong, something is different.
I’m too terrified to stick around and ask Chase about it when he gets out of the store, so I get in my car and drive over to my parents’ house.
EVERY YEAR SINCE I was born, my family—me, my mom, and my dad—have attended the candlelight service at eight o’clock on Christmas Eve. They’d probably understand if I wanted to skip or do something different, but it feels like a fundamental part of the holiday to me, so I never suggest a change.
