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She didn’t respond.
“Your hair. I loved your hair. I’d never seen a color quite like it.” I grabbed a strand from her shoulder and twisted it through my fingers. “The same hair you have now.”
Again, she said nothing.
“Then, your eyes. Huge– always wide as you interpret the world around you. By looking at your eyes alone, I could see the gears cranking in your mind. Always observing. And the color. Do you know how rare your eyes are? In general, green eyes are rare, yes. But your eyes are deep emerald, not a hint of any other color. An endless pool of green. Do you know how easy it is to get lost inside those eyes?”
She blinked at me as if it was the first time she was realizing the color of her own eyes.
“Then, I got to know you. I got to see who you are as a person. I got to understand yoursoul, Penelope. Your compassionate, kind, artistic soul. Your humor, your wit, and your unrelenting curiosity. That smart-ass mouth,” my lips twitched upward, “and even smarter brain. And I couldn’t understand how someone with such a beautiful soul—a beautiful mind—could also look like you.” I sighed and shook my head. I knew my words were sounding almost angry.
“But I was lost completely the first time I heard you laugh.” I was frustrated that she couldn’t see the things about herself that I see. That she could believe for one second that I wouldn’t want her. That I hadn’t done a good enough job of showing her how much I did. “Do you know when I fell in love with you, Penelope?”
“When?” she peeped. Her first response since I decided to rip my chest open for her on a crowded plane. I assumed her silence was in shock, not indifference. She was looking at me with those widened eyes, the parted mouth, flushed cheeks. She was breathing hard, her hands shaking a little. I could see in her eyes that she wanted to smile, but her mouth wouldn’t move yet. She was still too afraid. As if she was hanging on my words for dear life.
“The first time you gave memysmile.” Her expression changed, only in that her brows furrowed slightly in confusion. “Do you not realize that you smile at each person you love in a different way?”
She shook her head.
“You do. Some people get teeth, some people don’t. Sometimes you grin, other times you smirk. Your mouth leans to the left or to the right. Your eyebrows raise or fall. Your nostrils flare. They’re all a little different depending on who you’re smiling at. But, once you create a smile for someone, it’s always the same. It never changes.
“The first time you smiled at me that way, we were nine. I noticed that it was a little different than how you normally smiled. Your normal smile is a little sarcastic, a little reserved. A slight tilt of your lips and a little breath blown out your nose.” Her eyes flickered again, like she was trying to remember her own features. I continued, “When you smile at me, your brows furrow a little, and you tilt the left side of your mouth a little higher than the right.” She started to shake her head in disbelief. I chuckled, feeling lighter. “I’m telling you, it’s true. You don’t smile at your parents like that, or Macie, or Christine, or Maddie. That one is just for me. It’s mine.” She bit down on her lip and looked away briefly, seeming to blink back tears. “The first time you smiled at me like that we were nine. I fell in love with you at nine years old and not a goddamn thing has changed since then, Pep. None of it. I loved you then, and I love you now.”
For so long she stared at me. I stared back. Her eyes were misting. She would breathe in, and I braced myself for her to speak, but words wouldn’t come. Her brows were raised like they were trying to get her mouth to lift too. She wanted to smile, but she couldn’t.
“Then, why didn’t you want me last night? The night before?” she finally asked.
I laughed. “The first time you were drunk, and I was afraid it wouldn’t mean anything to you. That you might not have remembered it. That you might have regretted it. Last night…” I sighed. “God, Penelope. Last night was just a game to you. This isn’t a game to me.”
“It’s not a game to me either,” she whispered.
“Do you have any clue how much restraint it took for me to say no in that club, with your hands all over me?Myhands all overyou?” I closed my eyes and let out a breath through my nose. Willing myself not to get hard at the thought alone. “To tell you no last night after kissing you?” I let out a low laugh. “Do you know how hard it is to just sit next to you and not fuck you on this plane right here and now?”
I let my eyes fall closed as I looked away from her. I’d found myself losing control the longer this conversation lasted. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel hers on me. I could smell her shampoo. I could almost taste her lips. I breathed through my nose, hoping I hadn't gone too far.
I think she stopped breathing entirely. I finally opened my eyes and glanced at her. Her cheeks were flaming, but her eyes were dancing with fervor. She licked her bottom lip, and I realized the plane was now moving. It was accelerating, and I hadn’t even noticed the doors close. Missed the safety presentation too. My stomach lifted into my chest cavity. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the plane’s suspension into the air, or if it was because of the way she was staring at me.
“I wasn’t rejecting you, Penelope,” I continued. “I was halting things before they went too far because Iwantyou to fall in love with me. I want you to know that I think you’re worth more than dancing in a club or having sex on a pull-out sofa.” I leaned into her, my mouth against her ear. “When I do fuck you, I want to be able to show you exactly what you’re worth.” I pulled away and studied her. I watched her flood with heat, watched the panting of her breath, the rapid rise and fall of her chest. I tried not to stare too closely at the way her thighs clenched together, the way her breasts peaked through her t-shirt. I saw the roll of her throat as she swallowed audibly.
The plane leveled out, the pilot’s voice came above us, but I couldn’t hear a goddamn thing as I leaned into her. As her lips feathered mine, as her hand came to grip my neck, and mine rested on her thighs. I deepened the kiss. A promise to her of what would come. A confirmation of everything I’d said before.
The man across the aisle from me cleared his throat and I growled into her mouth. She giggled as she pulled away. She looped her arm through mine and laid her head on my shoulder. I didn’t move my hand from her thigh. Moments passed in silence.
“Did we really get a free upgrade both times?” she asked, her voice sleepy.
I smiled, staring down at the top of her head. “No.”
“I knew it.”
“I did get a discount though, so I didn’t pay anymore for these seats than Macie and Jeremy paid for theirs. But I knew you wouldn’t accept it. So, I convinced the ticket agents both times to tell you that you got upgraded.” She swatted my arm and pouted sarcastically. “You’re going to have to let me spoil you sometimes, Pep.”
“Only sometimes.” She yawned, snuggling back into her previous position. Her head fell in between my shoulder and my neck, mine rested atop hers. “So, where do we go from here?”
“I think we’re en route to PDX.”
She snorted. “You’re an idiot.”
“I’ve been told,” I laughed. “I just want to keep flying with you, Pep.”
