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“I–” I suddenly couldn’t decide. Last night I was so sure, but now…
“We’ll leave mom and dad a note. They’ll be mad but they’ll get over it.” He sighed. “I’m just saying, I understand what it feels like to have these four walls suffocating you. If you need to breathe fresh air, I’m with you.”
“Me too,” Maddie said, half-awake.
I glanced between my two siblings. I’d never felt such support from them before.
I knew I was being cowardly. I already knew this was one of those moments where I should stand my ground. I started to think that Carter was the person who’d run with me. Or maybe even the person who’d hold my hand as I faced fears head on. The person who’d make me not want to run so much.
Yes, running right now was just a way of me delaying the inevitable. The inevitable conversation that would ultimately lead to the total destruction of my heart. But my heart wasn’t here with me anyway. It was there with him. He could keep it because I didn’t want it anymore.
What I wanted was fresh air.
And the two people sitting in front of me were holding out their hands and telling me it was okay to run, because they were right there next to me.
“Okay,” I whispered. “Let’s go.”
We silently loaded my car with all the boxes that would fit. I’d ask Macie to bring the rest down with her next week. As Maddie and Easton grabbed enough items to get them through three days, I snuck into my closet and retrieved the painting. Thankfully, in the dark, I couldn't see it clearly. I didn’t have to examine it closely. I wrapped it in a blanket and placed it in the trunk, away from anyone else’s prying eyes. I’d sneak it into my apartment once we got to L.A., and I’d hide it in that closet too. Just in case he ever came back.
Chapter Twenty Eight
Carter
THE KNOCK ON THE DOOR reverberated inside my skull and bounced off the walls of my hollow chest. I hopped back and forth on my feet to keep the buzzing in my bones at bay. I couldn’t stop glancing at the driveway, noticing the fact that Penelope’s car was gone.
It had been here last night when I climbed onto the roof and knocked on her bedroom window. A knock that had gone unanswered. I could only hope that this morning’s knock on the front door wouldn’t. I also held out hope that Penelope was home and that Maddie was just borrowing her car as she often did. I hoped I wouldn’t have to tear the world apart searching for her, something I should’ve done the first time she left me.
This time around, oceans wouldn’t be enough. Distance, space, and silence wouldn’t be enough. I’d find her, and I’d make her tell me to my face she didn’t want me anymore. Then, I’d get down on my knees and beg her to change her mind. But God, I hoped I didn’t have to.
Heavy footsteps padded down the staircase next to the door, and figure appeared behind the stained glass. It was too tall to be any of the girls. I hoped it was Dan and not Easton. Easton might hit me if Penelope had disclosed all the contents of last night’s conversation.
Maybe I did hope it was Easton, actually. Maybe I did hope he’d hit me.
Maybe then I’d be able to focus on the pain he’d cause and not the pain I’d caused Penelope. Not the pain radiating every single inch of my skin and all the atoms in my body. I’d have a reason to hurt somewhere else.
Both relief and disappointment washed over me as Dan opened the door. He immediately sighed, as if he’d already known I’d be the person standing here (as if there was anyone else who’d be standing on his porch at eight o’clock on a Saturday morning, anyone else who’d crushed his daughter’s heart the night before). He leaned against the doorway and crossed his arms, studying me for a long, long moment. I briefly thought he may hit me too.
His lips clustered at the corner of his mouth before he nodded to the porch steps behind me. “Let’s talk.”
I leaned past him, trying to get a glimpse at the top of the staircase, at the hallway behind him, the kitchen. Any glimpse of her. Some kind of confirmation she was at least there. If I knew she was inside, I knew she wouldn’t be able to leave without getting past me. I’d at least have a chance. I wouldn’t have the patience to sit down and have any kind of conversation with Dan if I didn’t know she was inside.
“She isn’t here, Carter.”
My entire body went slack. My arms hung at my sides limply, as if they weren’t connected to anything. My knees nearly gave out as I stumbled backward. Dan looked at me with pity, with apology, maybe a little understanding too. He stepped out the front door and shut it behind him, walking to the steps and sitting down.
“Where is she?” I croaked as I fell next to him, my head dropping between my legs.
He looked down at the watch on his wrist. “Likely somewhere down the I-5 corridor, headed south.”
My hands flew to my face. “What?”
“I told her to stay last night. I hoped there was some kind of misunderstanding. I didn’t believe that you would react the way you did unless you didn’t understand the whole of it.” My body was soaked in shame. He huffed. “I woke up about an hour ago and found a note on the kitchen counter. All three of them left. They went together. To L.A. Penelope wanted to move in early. It said she neededfresh air.” He snorted. “Because I’m sure the air in Los Angeles is much fresher than it is up here.”
I flew off the steps and stalked toward the front yard. “Well, we have to call her. They need to stop. They need to come back.” I paced, fumbling to get my phone out of my back pocket. “No, I’ll go to them. I don’t care. They need to stop driving, though.”
Dan stood too. “Carter.”
The tone in his voice had me halting– pausing.
