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“Their phones are off. All of them. They wanted uninterrupted time together, that’s what Easton wrote in the note they left. I’ve tried all three of them multiple times. They’re not answering. They promised to call when they arrived.”
My phone slipped out of my hand and fell into the grass, thudding on the soft ground.
She ran away.
“Please, sit down,” Dan pleaded as he motioned to the steps next to him.
Moving on their own, my legs found themselves walking to where he stood before sitting down. I felt outside of my body again. Just watching from above. Because this didn’t feel real.
I knew I’d upset her. I knew I said things I shouldn’t have. I did not think she’d run away. Not from me. Not again. I tried to mentally prepare myself for the possibility, especially once I saw her car missing from the driveway, but I didn’t allow myself to actually believe it.
“I can’t believe she ran away from me.” My voice broke as I added, “Again.” I rubbed my eyes. “Look, you’re right. I walked away when I shouldn’t have, and even when she was trying to tell me, I wasn’t hearing her.” I turned to Dan. “You have to believe me. I would never…” My words faded when he picked them up.
“I know,” Dan said. “We tried telling her that. Maybe you are two or more alike than you think.” He exhaled with a chuckle. “Because she wasn’t hearing me either.”
I fumbled with my hands as Dan stared at me. I could feel the sorrow in his eyes even when I wasn’t looking at him. “I taught her that. The running. It’s my fault.” He looked away, sighing. “When her mother died, I never even took her back to that apartment. Never let her gather her things. After it was cleaned out, we were given a box of books and a couple of her mother’s clothing items. We didn’t keep any of Penelope’s toys or clothes. We thought it would be better if she just started over. We didn’t stop to think there might be sentimental value to any of it. Once we decided to adopt her, I think…I think we almost kind ofwantedher to forget about her mom. We wanted her to accept us.” He shook his head. “That’s awful, I know. She’s never even opened the box of her mother’s things. It’s been sitting in the garage for fifteen years. Ilether run away from her life. I gave her a new one and I tried to show her how much better it would be than her past. I led by example. I showed her that is what you did when you weren’t happy. When something bad happened. You run away from it. You never look back. That’s all she’s ever done. It’s all she knows.”
I stared down at my hands. I couldn’t even begin to unpack the things he was saying. The responsibility he was taking. As if he was trying to convince me not to give up on her. The only instinct roaring in my gut was to go after her. That roaring wouldn’t cease until I reached her. “It’s not your fault,” I found myself saying. “There is no handbook on how to handle a life like hers. Life in general, for that matter. You did your best, and she knows that.” I met his gaze. “Trust me. She knows that. So much so that she thinks she has to earn your love. She thinks she doesn’t deserve it. Anyone’s.”
He blinked at me, as if he was expecting anything other than that to come from my mouth. “She said that to you?”
I nodded. “And it’s not my place to be telling you on her behalf. But… just make sure she knows. That she knows that she doesn’t need to earn the love she’s given. I’m sure you’ve tried. I thought I had made that clear to her too, but apparently, she still doesn’t get it.” I waved toward the driveway, void of her vehicle. I stood up. “Where’s that box of her mother’s books?”
Still sitting, Dan looked up at me, shading his eyes with his hand under the morning sun. “Why?”
“I’ll take it to her.”
He cocked his head, “What do you mean, Carter?”
“I’m going to L.A. I’ll leave right now. I’ll bring it with me. In case she wants it.” I was surprised by the calm in my voice. The finality in my tone. There was no consideration to be had. I’d decided as much the moment I knocked on the front door.
I hadn’t even started packing yet. I didn’t care. I’d call Dom on my way down, let him know I needed to move in earlier than planned. He’d deal with it. Or, if Penelope rejects me, I’ll turn around and drive back here. Then, maybe I’d run away myself. Go to Africa. The pyramids. Somewhere farther. I had no plan beyond her. I didn’t want one.
My only instinct was to reach her. That was the only feeling I could focus on. The driving force I had to follow. I needed her, at the very least, to understand that my anger came from a place of misunderstanding, and that she was not to blame for any of it. I’d grovel at her feet and beg her forgiveness if I needed to, but at the end of the day, if she couldn’t be with me anymore, I’d probably understand. I just needed her to know that none of it is her fault and how sorry I am that I let her think it was.
Before Dan could give any type of opinion, I said, “I’ve got to grab a few things and tell my parents. Can you leave the box outside the garage? I’ll throw it in my truck when I leave.”
He gaped after me, but I jogged back across the street before he could respond.
I stuffed a suitcase and two backpacks with all the clothes I could fit. I stuffed my laptop and my camera into a fourth bag and realized that was about all I had to my name anyhow. I packed everything I had. Everything I needed, anyway.
All I needed except the other half of my soul that was already on her way to my destination.
I ran into my parent’s house. I halted in the kitchen where the three of them sat around the dining room table. I told them Penelope left. That I needed to go too. To my surprise, none of them argued with me. They only nodded, Lena and Charlie squeezing me extra hard as they hugged me goodbye. My father advised me to pull over and sleep when I needed to. To drive carefully. To call him when I arrived. I agreed to all of it, and practically sprinted back out the door.
By the time my Bronco was loaded, I noticed the Mason’s garage door opening. Dan stood in the driveway with a box in his hands. I jogged over to take it from him. “Do you have the address? Of her apartment?”
He shook his head.
“Okay, it’s okay. I’ll get it from Macie. I think she has it.” I took the box from his hands. “Thank you.”
As I turned, he called my name. “Carter, thank you. I– I know you’d never ask. She’d never want you to. But if it makes any difference to you, youdohave my blessing. You always will.” I dipped my head in acknowledgement– in gratitude. “I used to think that God put me in the emergency room that night just so I could find her. So that she could find us, find our family. But I think maybe God put me in the emergency room that night so that she could find you too.”
I opened and closed my mouth several times, searching for a response that would never come as his words settled inside me. He only smiled, as if he understood anyway. He backed into the garage, taking his turn to nod in acknowledgement– in gratitude. I stood there, legs unmoving, as I watched the garage door close.
“And Carter,” he said, just as the door lowered past his shoulders. “Tell my children they’re all menaces.”
I laughed as the door slammed shut, closing us off. I backed up to my truck, setting the box of her mother’s books in the back seat.
