AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Boots: Are you coming over to watch American Horror Story: Murder House? I have snacks and wine.
Now she’s asking to see if we’re on good terms, to test the waters.
We haven’t spoken about our relationship and what comes next, but I already know what is next. I already know I need to end things with her.
I want to go to her, I really do, but I have to protect my heart. I’m not going to allow myself to be swept up in the moment of wanting and loving her, so I swallow loudly and text back.
Me: Not tonight.
Boots: I’m sorry about the fight in Aspen.
I don’t want her sorry. I want her to admit that she loves me. I want her to admit that she wants to be with me, and make up by making love.
I want her to want to love me. I want all of her, but I know that’s not going to happen. She’s another problem I need to get rid of. I’m working on becoming a board member, so I’ll focus on that.
I don’t respond, placing my phone on the dresser instead. I walk into the bathroom, remove my clothes, turn on the faucet, and step in, letting the warm water beat down on my body. Once I’ve finished showering, I wrap a thick towel around my waist, and head to the bedroom, and my phone blinks with another message. I pick up my phone and click on the envelope icon. A message from my publicist, Ella, pops across the screen.
Ella: Are we still on for the engagement party?
Shit, I forgot I set up our engagement party disguised as a New Year’s party.
Me: Cancel the party. Change of plans.
Ella: Are you okay?
I don’t respond as I lie down on the lounge chair.
Truth is, I’ll never be all right.
Lake
“Atlas has been avoiding me,” I tell Poppy.
I squat down, poking the log with a stick at my fireplace. It’s been very cold in New York City. Glancing out the window, the snow sticks to everything it can find, and the trees are naked with icicles hanging from the branches like ornaments. I only spoken a few words to Atlas after our argument. I thought he would be over it by now, but he’s not. He barely responds to my messages, and he wasn’t in the office today; he told Trent he wouldn’t be in until tomorrow. I even stopped by his penthouse after work, but he didn’t come to the door.
She drinks her warm tea and stares at the flat-screen TV on the wall.
“How do you figure?” she asks.
“He didn’t come into work today, he didn’t answer any of my messages, and he didn’t show up to the door when I stopped by.”
My phone pings with a text, and my eyes widen at the screen as I read the text from Atlas.
Arrogant Asshole: I have to cancel dinner tomorrow.
“He canceled our dinner date that was supposed to be tomorrow. Something is off, I can feel it.”
“Have you asked him what’s wrong?”
“No. I haven’t had a chance to.”
“What exactly happened on vacation?”
“We got into an argument the day before we left to come back, but I thought as a couple we would overcome it,” I sigh, rubbing the side of my temple. “I had slipped up and told him I loved him.” I shake my head. “Then I took it back. He kept asking me if I was in love with him, so I panicked and lied.”
“Why wouldn’t you admit it?”
“Because he’s not going to love me the same way I love him. I’m not worthy to be loved.” Sadness envelops me like an eclipse. “What if he wakes up and leaves me the way Carter did? What if he wakes up and doesn’t want me anymore? Look how Carter left me. I wasn’t enough for him.”
