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I shrug. “I thought I was, but now I’m not so sure. Guess I fucked up again.”
“That you definitely did.”
I drop my gaze to my phone, and Gary puts a hand on my shoulder. “Apologize. Tell him you know you fucked up. Then apologize again. But don’t give up.” He sighs. “At some point, he’ll probably agree to talk to you. And if you’re very lucky, and he gives you conditions to take you back? Agree. Say yes to whatever terms he makes. Every one. And stick to them. That’s what I’d do, if I were in your position with Astrid.”
I nod and clench my jaw, trying not to cry. “Thanks, Gary.” All I wanted was to keep Jocelin safe and not scare him anymore. Instead, I hurt him so badly he can’t even face my family. I prop my elbows on my knees, drop my head into my hands, and blink away the tears because I did this to myself. Christ. Maybe he’s better off without me. The thought makes me sick because I’m definitely not better off without him.
My phone finally has enough charge to come back to life, and with trembling hands, I place the call. It rings twice and goes to voicemail. Shit. That means he rejected the call. Astrid’s phone rings less than a minute later. My head snaps up, and I stare at her because that’s too much of a coincidence.
“Hey.” Just based on that greeting, I know I’m right. “Okay.” Astrid glances over at me, then looks away. “No, I understand. That’s perfectly reasonable.” She nods and bites her lip. There’s a long pause when she doesn’t say anything, then she nods. “Yes. He seems to be.” She looks at me again and gives me a half smile. “Alright. Will I see you tomorrow?” I furrow my brow, wondering why that’s even a question. Tomorrow’s a workday. Surely he’ll see her at the office. “Okay, sweetie. Bye.”
She barely has time to hang up before I’m on my feet and asking questions. “That was Jocelin, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. It was. I’m sorry, Gunnar. He doesn’t want to talk to you right now. He needs some time to sort things out.” She pulls me down next to her on the couch, and I cover my face with my hands. “He asked if you were okay, though. I think that’s a good sign.”
When I look up, Erik is standing in the doorway, scowling at me. “Gunnar.”
“Erik. Hey. How’s Bjorn?”
“He’s healing. I’m sure Astrid told you he’s awake. He’s asking for you, and we keep telling him you’ll be right in. He’s been a bit out of it, so he hasn’t noticed that you weren’t here. But you should get in there before he figures shit out. He’s awake now.”
I follow him to Bjorn’s room, catching sight of Jules as I peek around the corner. When he sees me, he visibly sags with relief. “Gunnar. Good. You’re here.” He stands and hugs me, which shocks me. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I guess.” I hug him back and glance over at Bjorn. He’s still pale, but looks better than a few days ago. I swallow and fight back tears of relief as well as misery. “No. Not really. I fucked up.”
Jules lets me go. “Yeah, ya did. But you’ll fix it.”
I clear my throat and stuff my hands in my pockets, staring down at the scuffed linoleum floor. “I’m not sure I can, this time.”
“Not sure you can, what?” Bjorn’s gravelly voice is barely a murmur.
My head snaps up to look at him. His gray eyes are tired and not fully focused, but they’re open and lucid as I walk toward the bed. “Hey. How are you feeling?” Dropping into the chair next to the bed, I grab his hand. “Shit, man. You gave us all a scare.”
“About as big a scare as you gave everyone else.” He looks at the three of us. “Come on. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?” He squeezes my hand. “It’s good to see you.”
I just nod, fighting back tears. This is not how I imagined this whole thing happening.
“It’ll be okay.” I swallow, unable to meet his eyes. “Hey.” He squeezes my hand again. “Gunnar, look at me.” I slowly raise my eyes and meet his. “You know the number of times I fucked things up so badly that I was sure you guys would never forgive me?”
Erik frowns. “You mean like now?” He looks at Bjorn. “You’re getting too old for this shit, Bjorn. And we’re getting too old to deal with the stress your shit puts us through.”
He winces but slowly reaches out and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Give him time. He loves you. He’ll come around.”
I give up fighting the tears that have been threatening to spill since I got to the hospital. “I hope you’re right. ‘Cause right now, he doesn’t like me very much.” Bjorn stifles a yawn, and I stand up. “You need rest right now, not my drama. I’ll figure it out.”
“I’m your brother, Gunnar. I’m here for you. And besides, fuck ups are what the Osouf brothers do best.” Jules snorts, but Erik and I don’t even protest because he’s not wrong.
Jules slips under Erik’s arm, hugging him, and I glance away because it’s too painful to watch right now. “Get some sleep. I’ll come back later.” Bjorn nods and gingerly tries to get comfortable, then shuts his eyes.
I step out into the hall, and Erik follows. “Gunnar, go home, get a shower, eat something. Jocelin was here with us for two days after you disappeared, and he’s upset. Let him wrap his mind around things.” He holds my gaze. “If it works out, it’ll probably require a very painful conversation with Jocelin first. I really hope you two fix things because that man is good for you. You’re less of a jerk around him. So when he tells you what you need to do to make it right, listen and actuallyhearwhat he’s telling you. It’s not easy or pleasant, but do it. It’s worth it.” Erik hauls me into a hug, and I allow him to hold me for a minute, then we let go.
He walks into Bjorn’s room, and I slowly head back to the waiting area, stopping in front of Astrid and Gary. “I’m gonna go home and get a shower. Maybe grab something to eat. Take a nap. I’ll be back later.”
Astrid stands and wraps her arms around me. “I love you, Gunnar. It’ll be okay.”
I nod, wave at Gary, and leave, praying she’s right.
I shake off my rain gear and hang it on the coat hook, trying not to get anyone else’s things wet. My car is still at Jocelin’s, so I had to ride the bike to work. In the rain. Guess I earned that. I sit at my desk and boot up my laptop, and hear a grunt of recognition from behind me. I sigh and turn around to face the music. “Hey, Tom.”
