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"Ok, well geez Sam, don't leave me hanging here." Fuck, she better spill it fast.
"Okay --- look it's a bit intense, but here goes. So, there was actually a third brother. A younger one, Jason. When they were all quite young Jason, Daniel and Hudson were out at a party and just being young and stupid you know, nothing bad, and the media managed to get a lot of photos of them dancing with these girls. Then the next day one of the girls accused Jason of assaulting her. Both other brothers swore he had not even left their side the entire night, so it was not possible. Anyway, later she came forward to say it wasn't true ok, but she accused him and went public with it threatening to take the family to court for compensation." She rattles off faster than a news presenter.
"So, for a few months, it was all over the media and Jason got pulled out of school and refused to go outside and became severely depressed. Eventually, he committed suicide."
Samantha pauses to double-check that I am following. She sits quietly for a little while then carries on. "Hudson took it really personally. He blamed himself for not being able to protect his baby brother from all the media shit. He became super strict about everything and anything about himself and his family that got into the media." He hates the media; I know he does. "Daniel, well fuck --- NOT that he gets an excuse for his disgusting behavior. We think that might be why he hates women so much. That and his mom is a tyrant." She is a crazy, bitter old bat, but it makes sense knowing this. "Who knows. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that this is most likely why Hudson is so extreme about his private life being on social media and why it causes him so much stress." He's afraid it'll happen again, that he will lose someone he cares about.
I sit in silence absorbing the information.
It is both heartbreaking and enlightening.
In high school, my best friend committed suicide. I took it so personally as well, going over and over in my mind about what I missed, what I could have done to help her, how had I not known? I had spent so many nights, even to this day, wondering if I could have saved her. Now they are telling me that Hudson's younger brother had killed himself." I know that blame game too well.
"So much more about him makes sense now don't you think?"
I almost spill my champagne trying to get up. "I need to go over there and talk to him." Clearly, the bubbles are more in my head than I had thought because my legs feel like jelly.
"Oh no, you won't!" Claire grabs my arm and pulls me back to the floor. "You need to eat some actual food, drink more champagne, and just relax here with us OK. Today is not the day for going to talk to Hudson." She raises her beautifully shaped brows at me, and I nod. Goodness, maybe I am a little more drunk than I think.
Well. Who cares anyway. It's not like I have a man to impress or stress about. I sigh deeply and nod again. "Yes! Okay! Picnic continues with my bitches!" With friends like these, I better pray I have no enemies.
* * *
The next morning, I woke up on my couch. Sam and Claire are still asleep, draped across the other couch. The lounge is a mess.
I smile. My heart is still so heavy, but how in the world did I luck out with friends like these two beautiful souls.
I tiptoe out of the living room doing my best not to wake them and make my way back into the shower. I want to go and speak to Hudson. I want to let him know that I understand. That I can wait out the storm to be with him.
Freshly showered and dressed up, I even put a little makeup on, I am about to sneak out of the house when Samantha rolls over and mumbles "I know where you are going." She's not trying to stop me this time.
"I won't be long. Make some coffee you might need it." I say looking at all the empty bottles.
Before she can answer I close the door behind me and walk over to Hudson's house.
"Gianna." His cold, professional demeanor throws me off slightly. No smile, no friendly eyes.
"Hi, Hudson. Can we talk?" I ask cautiously optimistic.
He doesn't invite me in though. He steps out of the house and closes the door behind himself, standing on his front step I feel awkwardly unwelcome.
"What can I help you with Gianna?" He's curt and to the point.
I trip over my words, trying to let him know that I understand but also trying not to bring up the sensitive past.
"I --- I just want to let you that I understand that the media is such a big deal for you." I feel his intense steel glare and dare not look up to meet his eyes. "I just think, Hudson, that it's fine we can't date but can we at least just be friends again. I'm struggling---"
He is standing coldly silent, observing me. His expression does not change at all. "That's all we ever were Gianna; there really was not anything else there, just a misunderstanding ok." I have been a mistake, a fling, all sorts of things, never a misunderstanding before.
The words cut into me.
They do not sound like his words. This is public Hudson, not the Hudson I had the chance to get to know, briefly.
"Gianna, we are still friends. May I go now? Was that all?" He huffs, shoving his hands in his pockets.
I finally gather the courage to look into his eyes and as I catch his gaze he falters in his hard exterior and I glimpse the Hudson I know.
His eyes fall onto my lips. I want to kiss him. I want nothing more in the world than to kiss him. He leans towards me, his eyes locking onto my lips, and I raise myself just slightly onto my tip toes.
