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I am stunned into complete silence. I can't speak. I can hardly think. Or am I thinking too much? Yes. A thousand things run through my head at full speed.
Claire reaches out and gently touches my hand. "Gi?"
I look at her, but I can hardly see anything as the tears fill my eyes.
She hands me a napkin and I quickly wipe them away taking a deep breath and pulling myself together.
"It's alright," I say with an empty voice. "It's alright."
"Gi, it's ok to cry."
"No --- no. It's alright. This is good news for Hudson. I mean. He can have his son. He can have full custody of his son!" That's what he wanted, and I will not be the one to get in the way of that.
Claire squeezes my hand again.
"I'm so sorry, Gi." Samantha's eyes are full of love and care. Soft and heartfelt.
I nod again.
"I'm so sorry guys. I think I have to go home." I need to get out of here; it feels like everyone is looking at me.
"Don't worry babe, we understand. Please drive carefully. Let us know when you are home safe."
I nod and gather my things, putting my dark glasses on before I even leave the restaurant.
I manage to hold myself together until I walk into my home and close the door behind me. Then everything comes pouring out of me. I collapse with my back against the door and slide to the floor with a thump. Tears are streaming down my face and thick heavy sobs choke me. My chest aches and my lungs burn. Now I understand why Hudson has been avoiding me. He has had no choice. Of course, he has no choice.
I cry until I am hollow and drained.
Then I pick myself up, wash my face, and go over to let Hudson know that I understand. I know what choice he has to make. There is no choice --- his son is the only choice.
I knock twice on his door before he answers. He looks tired and drained but the first thing he says is "Shit, Gianna, what happened?"
He pulls me inside into a warm, safe hug. I stay in his arms. Fighting tears, I think to myself that this might be the last time he ever holds me.
Then I take a deep breath and pull away from him.
"Hudson. I know about the contract. I know why you have been distant." I just say it, like he should have.
"Gianna---"
"Wait. Before you speak just let me finish." I want to say my peace this time.
He nods sadly.
"I know what you have to do, as a father. You don't have a choice and I fully, completely, and totally understand this. You and I cannot be together any longer. Taylor comes first. I will walk away quietly; I love you enough to do that."
He stands staring at me in silence. His eyes shine as though he wants to cry but he is fighting it back.
I carry on talking, desperate to let him know that I will not let him make the wrong choice here, that there is only one right choice. That I will never, ever hold it against him. In fact, I take the choice away, I won't allow him to choose me.
I am starting to mumble and fall over my words so I just look at him, into those beautiful grey eyes and I say, "I will always love you, Hudson. But we both know this is what has to happen."
Hudson grabs me around my waist and pulls me close to him. Holding me so tight I think I might lose my breath. "I am sorry, Gianna. I am so sorry. I love you. But my son---"
"There is nothing for you to be sorry about. You are doing the right thing for Taylor. Be happy that he is going to be yours and yours alone." I am happy for him; this fight has been a hard one.
I pull away from him for the last time. Knowing that it is truly over. Knowing that the universe has dealt us a bad hand. There isn't anything more to say at this point, so I smile. Trying to be brave and strong and let him know that everything will be alright.
