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“And my pajamas are in the top drawer.” He pointed to the side table.
Since his pajamas were put away, I assumed that the diapers were in his backpack. When I opened it up, I instantly recognized the package as being a brand specifically sold for kink rather than adult incontinence. Just another bit of information to file away.
With the backpack still open, I looked up at Billy. “Is there anything else you need? Maybe powder or cream?”
He shook his head before finally looking up at me. “I’ve never used those before. Do I need to?”
“If you haven’t gotten any rashes, then maybe not. But if you’d like, I can pick some up for tomorrow.”
Billy opened his mouth like he had something to say, but immediately closed it before clearing his throat. “If you’d like to try that, I’m okay with it too.”
“Then it’s settled.” I didn’t want him to do things just for my sake, but I could sense that he was as curious as I was. So I accepted the authority he gave me to make those kinds of experimentation decisions for him. And if he changed his mind at any point along the way, I was totally fine with that. I just didn’t want him not to experience something he might enjoy because he was self-conscious about what I’d think of him. “How about you lie back, and I’ll get this on you.” I held up the diaper and waited for his reaction.
It would be the first time I saw him naked from the waist down, and I didn’t take that moment lightly. But I also didn’t make a big deal out of it. Not until it was about nakedness rather than just meeting his needs.
After a few seconds, Billy released the death grip he had on the towel and let his hands fall to his sides.
Keeping the moment chaste and more clinical than anything else, I opened up the diaper and stretched it out so I could easily slide it in place. “Would you like me to remove the towel and put it on you or would you like to get it in place while I turn my back, and I’ll just help with the tape?”
His eyes were glued to mine as he seemed to be studying me. “You can do it.”
Holding my breath to not give away how excited I was, I pulled the towel away from his front and asked him to lift his bottom, so I could slide the diaper beneath him. With just a few simple folds, it was securely in place and the seams along both of his thighs were properly sealed. “Now it’s jammie time.” I grabbed the pajama pants and balled up the fabric of the right leg in my hand so he could easily slide his right foot in and then repeated that with the other leg before I slid them up his body and over the puffy diaper. “There we go.”
“Thank you.” Billy kept his eyes averted, as if some of his insecurities were creeping back in.
I reached out to help him into a sitting position. “I like the trains you picked. This kind that changes color is pretty cool.”
Billy stilled for a moment before his body relaxed. “Yeah, it was either trains or rocket ships. I like these better.”
“Good choice.” I picked up the pajama shirt and held it up. “Do you wanna sleep in your T-shirt or your pajama shirt?”
He thought about it for just a split second before raising his arms. “Pajamas.”
I pulled the T-shirt off him and quickly helped him get into the soft sleeping shirt so he matched in the same snowflake set he wore the night before. “You look so cute.” I dropped a kiss onto the top of his head. “I just want to cuddle with you.”
“Okay.” Billy scooted up high enough on the bed that he could slide under the top sheet. “I’m ready.”
“Do you want your sleeping bag tonight?”
He looked over to the chair where the sleeping bag was neatly folded. “Yeah, you’re right. I probably should, just in case.” Then he looked up at me and shrugged. “But I didn’t wet last night.”
I didn’t want to congratulate him because I didn’t want to make him feel bad about when he did wet. At least not until I understood what the reason was.
“Well, it’s up to you, sweetheart. If you’d like to sleep in the sheets, I can put the comforter on top of you.” I pointed to the cabinet that the comforter was tucked away in. “Or I can zip you up in the sleeping bag like last night. Which do you prefer?”
Billy crawled back out from under the sheet. “Let’s use a sleeping bag again. I don’t want to have an accident on this bed.”
I grabbed the sleeping bag and shook it out so it was flat on the mattress for him to climb on top of. “Do you usually wet when you sleep?”
“Not always.” Billy looked over at Kona and then tapped the bed, calling her to jump up and sit with him. “I did it when I was a kid for a little while. And it just started up again a few weeks ago.”
TWELVE
BILLY
I thought it would be harder to open up to Axel, but he made it so easy to just be myself. Like I’d known him for a lot longer than I did. And before I realized it, he knew most of my intimate secrets. Including the fact that my insecurities about being chubby and wimpy and everything else my father hated about me were probably the root cause of my stress incontinence.
“Do you think you stayed dry last night because you weren’t worried about your dad catching you in the diaper?” Axel’s hand was cupping the back of my neck and rubbing a circle with his thumb.
