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I hope…
It’s the top question on another list I’ve made. My life is quickly becoming overrun with lists of things I need to sort out, and I’m terrible at delegating. If it wasn’t for Rinya assigning herself the task of finding the delivery ladies, I’d be doing that today, too.
Talodus sighs loudly. “You’re not going to slow down, are you?”
“Doubtful,” I sincerely confess. “There’s too much to do to get things settled down. I have all this knowledge and nowhere to test it. And the smaller issues keep piling up. Collectively, they’re now as big as the massive issues we’re facing. So, today, I’m tackling the underwear thing. Then tomorrow, I’ll focus on finding Cotear.”
“Connak is out looking for him with Thinik and Faldron,” he tells me.
I nod. “Faldron is going to track Cotear’s movements on the map as they go. I’m curious to know why he hasn’t left the area.”
“But you have a guess?” he remarks.
“I don’t want to assume I understand his motives, but I suspect two things,” I state. “Either he can’t go back to the Howlers or the Shades... Or he can go back to the Shades, but he needs one more something for Nesta before he leaves. What ‘something?’ I haven’t figured that part out yet.”
Talodus stops me once more, his hands on my shoulders. “Have you considered you might be pushing yourself too hard?”
“No,” I answer, then backtrack. “Well, yes, I have considered it... But no, I’m not.”
“Ada.” He sighs, hands falling to his sides. “I watched my mother work herself to death. She wouldn’t stop, and that caused her to make a mistake that cost us her life.” He rubs his hand over his short-cropped hair. “I need you to understand where I’m coming from when I ask you to slow down.”
“I didn’t know that,” I mumble.
There are so many things I don’t know about these men. Knowing their history won’t change my mind about them, though it would be helpful to understand for occasions like this… Especially when they worry about something I can’t quite comprehend.
I wish we could have more time to enjoy the honeymoon stage of new relationships, but I suspect that won’t happen until after our war. Unless we can sneak in small moments like this.
Talodus rubs his hand over the top of his head, uneasy with the topic. “It’s not something we talk about often. She was Isolde’s personal guard on most days, same as Rin. But other days, she would take extra shifts, barely get any sleep, and do it all over again the next day. After my father died, she felt like she had to work that much to keep herself busy and our household running.”
“‘That’s why you became a guard?” I ask.
“My parents are the reason I became a guard,” he reveals. “I wasn’t old enough to take care of my mother when she needed it most. But I can take care of you, even if you don’t want to listen. You won’t rest? Fine. I’m going to be with you all day, and the moment you show fatigue, I’m taking you back to the palace. I don’t care if I have to throw you over my shoulder and carry you there.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet them. Your parents sound like they were as hardworking as you are,” I murmur, then shake my head. “I don’t want to make light of this knowledge, because I appreciate you telling me. But Tal... I can’t die, even if I wanted to. That option isn’t on the table for me. Spiran made sure of that when she turned me into a goddess. I promise I’m not working myself to death. Yesterday was from using so much power at once. I haven’t ever flexed that much in one day, so it was a shock to my system.”
I take a step closer to him, breaking the distance that’s between us to wrap my arms around his waist. “Before I got here, this answer would have been different. But now? I care about too many people to be reckless with my health. Mental, emotional, or physical. I promise I will let you know when I’m nearing my limit, when I’ve had too much. You’re going to have to trust me to know that line, though.”
“You’ll tell me if you feel—”
“Faint or hungry or thirsty... I’ll tell you the moment I’m in any kind of distress.” I grin at him, trying to ease his tension. “I’m not opposed to you throwing me over your shoulder and carrying me away once we’re done with our tasks. That would be hot.”
He gives me the same bland look Ecaeris so often wears.
I prop my chin on his chest, ready to distract him however I can, when a thought strikes me like a physical blow. “Did you live with Isolde after you lost your mother?”
“I did,” he replies. “So did Imryll and Connak.”
That makes me pause to collect my thoughts before I speak again. “I knew about Imy, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard Connak say anything about his parents.”
Tal frowns, reaching up to smooth the skin between my brows. “He won’t talk about it. He was young when he lost his parents, and he had no other family. Isolde is the only mother he’s ever known.”
“How young were you?” I ask.
“Four when my father died. Twelve when I lost my mother and moved into the palace with Isolde.” He watches me for a moment, almost as if he’s weighing his words. “Connak never met his mother. She didn’t even get to hold him; her life was gone before his birth was over. His father went missing when he was five. No one knows where he went, if he’s dead or alive. He just disappeared.”
“And Imy was fifteen,” I finish.
He nods. “Imryll was the oldest of us when he moved in. Last in, first out. I followed within a year, going from the palace to the guards’ barracks. Ecaeris stayed until Connak was old enough to leave.”
