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“It’s a guide, Ada. Everyone has a different experience here, but this shows you that some of your feelings aren’t yours alone. I worried for the people, still do. I mourned my Earth life while learning what it meant to be a Mongrel. Spiran dazzled me. Men courted me, and I had no clue what they were doing.”
Isolde chuckles, though she wears an emotion I can’t name. “Noctis was the first to explain the Mongrel ways to me, helping me sort friend from foe. Kerr showed me how amazing my life would be on this island if I only gave it a chance. Zivol fought with me and against me, trained me.
“I had lost everything I loved on Earth, was chained to a post in the middle of my village awaiting trial for simply being born in a rival clan. They killed my husband and my son. He was a baby. I don’t recall many other memories from my time in the other world. Just the loss and heartache I felt before the storm... And the night my father sold me to my first husband. I was fifteen, and the last words he said to me were—”
She speaks in her native language, and I realize I only understand it when it’s written. But I have a suspicion it’s, “Be brave.”
Isolde nods. “The first memories I lost were their voices. Then the familiar smells left me... And the scenery, and the textures. After a thousand years, what I do remember is the birth of my first son and the words my father always told me. Be brave, Isolde. Be strong like the moon. Move the water.”
“How soon will I forget?” I ask, though I don’t want the answer.
“I can’t say,” she quietly replies. “Eventually, you will forget many things, both good and bad. Time takes all of that from us. But what you will remember are the moments that made your heart beat faster, your chest clench with excitement, and your stomach flip.”
“Chest clenching is more anxiety than excitement,” I say, trying to joke but falling flat.
“Is it?” she challenges. “Or did your society prime you to believe excitement and anxiety are the same thing? They share many similarities.”
Her question causes me to pause, nipping at my lip as I think it through. “I suppose you have a point. I’ve felt both since I’ve been here, but they’re easier to tell apart without all the stimulation of a big city.”
“Whether you are ready to admit it or not…” she begins, gracing me with a small smile. “We were born to be here, Ada. Our time on Earth was fraught with pain and trauma, only leaving us fleeting glimpses of the life we wanted for ourselves. But here? You have the power to structure your life as you see fit. Not just your own, but mine, and so many others. You don’t have to dictate over them to lead them. You simply have to guide them with a gentle hand.
“This wasn’t the way I lived on Earth,” she states. “I’m sure it wasn’t the way you lived, either. But we can change the course of our fate. You did so the night you chose to stay. And the night you defended yourself. And the day you took a Shade into your village, letting your people witness you would be a kind and just leader.”
I sigh as the weight of her words settles in my bones. “The question is, will they trust my judgment and leadership?”
“You’ve given them no reason to doubt you.”
“I’ve given them no reason to believe in me, either.”
Isolde scoffs. “You’ve given them more than you realize. Just because it isn’t tangible doesn’t mean it isn’t as important as a physical reason.”
“How do you always end up changing the conversation so quickly?”
“You wear your emotions in your eyes, Ada. I can see your self doubt, though it flees more each day. I can see new love brimming, even if you’re not ready to accept it. And I can also see your reluctance to ask the questions still swimming in your mind.”
I huff in disbelief, actively avoiding two of her points. She’s right on all three accounts. I feel less doubtful of myself each day, and closer to my guys every minute we’re together. I’m still unclear about the moment we began this relationship we’re in, but I almost want to say… Day one.
Sixty-four days on this island, and Isolde calls me out for being in love. She’s not wrong.
Isolde grins, rolling her hand to welcome my questions despite my reluctance.
“I don’t want to spoil the moment,” I mumble.
“Ask.”
I grimace and blurt, “Do you think I’ll be barren, too?”
“When Spiran chose me, she was looking for a new queen. When Spiran chose you, she was looking for a goddess,” Isolde explains.
She passes the diary back to me, clasping her hands around mine as she speaks, her voice reverent to the point of bringing tears to my eyes.
“Spiran spent a millennium trying to sort out our fertility issues, and she didn’t once give up. She figured out how to give us children before she went looking for goddesses on Earth. You aren’t her first experiment, Ada, though you are her first success. The only human to ever hold the water element at such a profound level. Before you, the only other goddess the Mongrels had was created from this world, not of another.”
“What else is out there?” I inquire, needing the distraction to ease the tightness in my chest.
“An entire world that’s suffocating in darkness,” Isolde whispers. “We must defeat Nesta before we can help them breathe again. After that, they’ll find hope in their goddesses once more.”
* * *
