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Blake whirled around frantically to glare at the man, and the cook held up a hand. “Just a suggestion, Your Highness.”
“Yes, and a damn good one too. Why didn’t I think of that?” He clapped the cook on the back.
A shout of “Hey, omak! Omak, come help us, please!” came from the other room and made Blake sigh. It had sounded like Mikos, or maybe Derrick.
“I’d better go see what’s wrong. Was that Derrick? When did he get up? I heard them stumble in at three this morning. I’d better go see if they’re having trouble with the tree. Did I mention there are seven men in there to figure this out?”
“Yes,” Ryan said uncertainly. “But have you ever had a Christmas tree before? Have any of them ever done this at all?”
“No, Davos wouldn’t allow it. He called it, and I quote, ‘foolish human nonsense.’ Well, he’s not here now, so I can do whatever I want. Too bad if he doesn’t like it when he gets back.”
“If you say so.”
“I do. And there’s nothing difficult about it.” He huffed in irritation. “Let me go see what the problem is.”
He left the kitchen and went down the corridor to the double doors on the side of the great hall. He could hear his sons arguing before he even opened the doors.
“He won’t like it, I tell you,” Derrick was saying. “It looks awful and he’s going to yell at us, and I can’t blame him. He asked for a tree like they have on Lycanus, and they sent him this thing.”
“What thing? What did they send?” Blake cried, coming inside. He stopped on the threshold, stunned by the pitiful excuse for a tree the traders had brought him. It was no more than three feet tall, and spindly, with big gaps where limbs were missing. “That’s supposed to be my beautiful spruce tree?”
He staggered dramatically to a nearby chair and fell into it. “My God, it’s not even spruce. And do you know what I paid them for that scraggly thing? Davos will be furious.”
The so-called tree—missing many branches—was short and skinny, and someone had stuck it up by nailing two pieces of wood together, drilling a hole where they joined and inserting the “trunk” of the tree in the hole.
“Can we still decorate it, omak?” Derrick asked hopefully. “Maybe when you put your balls on it, it will look better.”
Both Rhaegar and Tilar turned away, their shoulders shaking from holding back their laughter, as Derrick shot them a repressive glare. Thankfully, Blake didn’t notice, as he had his head in his hands.
“Just-just leave it, honey, and I’ll have to think about what to do. Everything that could go wrong has happened in the kitchen. Let me deal with that first. One disaster at a time.”
He got wearily to his feet and headed out of the room. The minute the door closed behind him, he could hear the sound of laughter bursting out of Rhaegar and Tilar, and Derrick trying desperately to shush them.
Blake squared his shoulders. He wasn’t a quitter, and he knew this would work if just one thing went his way. He went back to the kitchen.
“Excuse me, Blake,” Ryan said as he came back in. “But how long are you planning on cooking this bird?” Ryan asked. “And is fire supposed to be coming out of its ass?”
“What? Fire? Out of its what?”
Ryan pulled the oven door open and sure enough, small flames were shooting out of the goose’s backside. “It must be the stuff inside the bird that was wrapped in paper. I told you we should have taken it out.”
“You never mentioned it was paper! Oh, for God’s sake, Ryan. Do something, before it burns down the kitchen!”
Ryan flapped a kitchen rag at the flames and yelled as the fire leaped onto the towel. Luckily, the cook knew what to do and knocked the towel into the big sink before it burned his hands and turned on the water to drown the flames.
“Good man,” Blake said. “Okay, the fire’s out. Ryan, get all that burnt stuff out of the thing and stick it back in the oven.”
“But it’s got burnt parts all over the back of it.”
“Just cut those off. We’ll pour some turkey gravy over it to hide it. I ordered a jar of that. Then no one will ever know the difference.”
Ryan looked dubious, but Blake ignored him. “And turn the temperature down some. Whatever possessed you to put it on such a high temperature?”
“But you said...”
“I can’t think of everything around here, Ryan. You need to figure some things out on your own.”
Blake turned back to the cook. “Okay, now let’s make the desserts. You crack the pecans.”
