AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Simone is in the backyard playing with Jasper when I arrive home an hour later. I watch her for a few minutes as she runs barefooted on the grass. She has changed since I saw her earlier, now wearing a white floral sundress. In the low angle of the sun, her hair glows like a flame.
She resembles a nymph from one of Aiden’s mythology books.
She laughs. It’s not one of her rich laughs that I love. The type of laugh that makes everyone’s day brighter. Fuller. This laugh is streaked with sadness. And I’m at a loss as to what to say to her. What to do.
A cascade of emotions churns inside me.
Love and guilt and frustration.
Helplessness.
I’m back on enemy soil, taking care not to step on a land mine. While I might not lose a limb if I say or do the wrong thing, the aftermath might be just as devastating.
“How was your day?” I ask.
“It was good. Yours?” Sadness clouds her eyes, hiding the life usually there.
“Not bad.”
“Except you miss your patients, don’t you?” She cups my face with her hand, her thumb caressing my cheek.
I lean into her soothing touch, needing this as much as I need to help her wade her way through to the other side of her depression. “Yes,” I murmur. “At least I have a job. I can’t complain.”
A job that keeps me mentally and physically busy so I don’t have time to think about everything I’ve lost—everything I can still lose.
Jasper barks, not wanting to be forgotten, and sits next to us.
Simone drops her hand from my face and picks up the ball Jasper dropped by our feet. She throws it, and he chases after the ball.
He mouths it and jogs back to us. This game continues with Simone and I taking turns with throwing the ball.
“So when are we getting Jasper his kitten sibling?” I ask.
“We should probably wait until he’s no longer a puppy. Right now, an energetic puppy and kitten might be too much. We have enough problems with Jasper chewing on everything.”
She has a point. Jasper is a force of destruction on his own. I’m not sure if we’re ready to add a kitten to the mix. Can’t imagine what it will be like once we have kids. At least they won’t be chewing on everything.
Jasper releases the ball next to my foot. I pick the ball up and toss it farther than before.
While he retrieves it, I deliberate what to say to Simone. I know I should bring up the conversation about the upcoming anniversary of Aiden’s death. I should…but I can’t form the words. I spent years learning to bury my emotions for my country because emotions can get you killed. Talking about mine or anyone else’s is as comfortable as sitting on a grenade after the pin has been pulled.
There are times when I’m brave, invincible. This isn’t one of them.
So I choose the coward’s way out and ignore the problem.
Hope it gets better.
And if it doesn’t?
I’ll fight that battalion when I come to it.
39
Lucas
The following afternoon, I step out of Blake’s office building and walk the short distance to the parking lot. The clouds have thickened since I arrived in Eugene to discuss with Blake what his investigator has learned so far.
I approach my SUV. A light blue piece of paper is caught under my windshield wiper and is flapping in the wind. It looks like one of those flyers that local businesses send out. I lift the blade and remove the paper.
