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Simone
Four hours later, Avery and I meet up at our favorite lounge for drinks. The rich honey-brown walls remind me of Lucas’s eyes when he makes love to me. I haven’t heard from him since he left the house this morning. I have no idea how the rescue mission is going.
I have no idea how Lucas is doing.
“How’s married life so far?” Avery all but snorts.
She’s the only friend who knows the real reason Lucas and I got married. But that was before I realized I’d never stopped loving him. Before our marriage started to feel real.
“It’s good.”
Avery laughs. “What you mean is the sex is good.”
Heat rushes to my face, which only makes her laugh harder.
“Have you told him yet?”
“Told him what?”
Avery takes a long sip of her martini as if giving me a moment to figure it out myself.
I have, but she’s not the only one skirting the issue. I suspect, though, she’s about to make a direct hit. Whereas, I’m happy to skip right past reality and live in the land of denial and forgotten truths.
Or I would be if the truth let me.
“I’ll interpret that to mean you haven’t told him about the baby.”
She doesn’t say it unkindly, but I still flinch.
“The anniversary is next week,” she tells me, even though she knows I don’t need the reminder. “Simone, you need to tell Lucas. I don’t want you to be alone that day. You need to be with someone who can help you get through it. And if it isn’t Lucas, maybe you two shouldn’t be married.”
I open my mouth to remind her why he and I got married but don’t get that far.
“Yes.” The word comes out on a worried sigh. “I know you didn’t marry for the reason most couples do, but he does love you. I saw it the day you two got married, the way he looked at you. He might not realize he’s in love with you, but he is. And you’re in love with him. Don’t even try to deny it.” Her lips tilt into a grin.
“I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to tell him about Lily. The worst part is, I’ve seen how wonderful Lucas is with kids. He would make a great father, but it’s something he’ll never get to experience.”
She studies me over the rim of her drink before taking another sip. “Has he said he wants children?”
I nod.
“Is that why you haven’t told him the truth yet?”
Again I nod, the movement barely noticeable, and I finish my martini.
“You do realize you two can adopt, right? Or is he one of those men who only wants children if they’re biologically his?”
“His youngest brother was adopted, and as far as Lucas is concerned, they’re blood brothers. So no, he isn’t against adoption. It’s just…” I look down at my drink, unable to voice the next words.
“You feel like you’re less of a woman because of the hysterectomy and because you can’t have babies the old-fashioned way. The way that doesn’t require a surrogate. That’s complete bullshit, by the way. You’re no less a female than I am. It doesn’t matter if you have a uterus or not or whether you’re able to have babies, you’re still a woman. None of those things determine if you are one. You’re a woman because that’s just who you are. Lucas won’t think less of you because you had a hysterectomy. And if he does, that’s his problem, not yours. Divorce him if that’s the case.”
“Deep down I know you’re right. But it’s one thing to understand that and another to accept it. I thought I had accepted it for the most part until he told me he wants kids one day—depending on what happens with the felony charges.”
“Maybe it’s time you start seeing a therapist. Other than the few times you spoke with someone after the accident about the loss of your baby, you’ve never really addressed the issue. You’ve never really addressed that and the hysterectomy. You just buried yourself in your work and chased after job promotions that never happened.”
“I know—”
“You have a man who clearly loves you, so why not tell him the truth?”
