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We live in a very conservative town, I’m the only single mother around, and Davi has asked me before about his father and when he is coming to get us.
I squat in front of him. To say these words, I need to look into his eyes. “Davi, I’ve talked with Derik just a couple of times. I’m having dinner, not accepting a proposal.”
A fat tear rolls down his cheek.
“I not want you to go.”
Oh gosh, here we go. “Baby, I love you very much, but I’m having dinner out tonight, and you will stay here with your cousin.”
I’m not being manipulated for my own son.
“NO!” He cries before kicking the floor and then running to his room.
I’m about to go behind him when my cell phone rings. “Hello?”
“Melanie?” A feminine voice says my name from the other side of the line. “This is Dianne Reynolds from Woodland Camp. Do you remember me?”
Oh, this is good news. “Of course, Mrs. Reynolds. How are you?”
“Good, thank you.” She clears her throat. “Could you come to see me at my office at the camp tomorrow at eleven?”
Happiness fills my chest. Mrs. Reynolds is the director of a summer camp I’ve tried to become part of for years. Their program is amazing. Not just because of the activities for the kids but also because they host paid children and charity boys and girls sponsored by several Southern California foundations.
“I’ll be there.” The smile on my face makes my cheeks puff out. “Thank you, Mrs. Reynolds.”
“Don’t thank me yet, Melanie,” she says, raining on my parade. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
After ending the call, I go to Davi’s room. I need to placate him before doing anything else. If my son isn’t feeling good, I’m not feeling good. That’s a reality every mother in the world understands.
Davi is sleeping in a ball on his bed. His round cheeks are stained with tears. The sight breaks my heart. Taking him in my arms, I cradle him as if he were still a little baby.
“You have a father, even if you don’t know it,” I whisper in the silence of the room. “He’s learning to love you, baby. Something tells me he will love you forever.” My eyes are watering already. “But my situation is different, and someday you will understand that if I’m happy, you will be happy too.”
I place a kiss on his forehead.
“I just want to be loved… I’m trying, baby.” At this point, nothing can stop the waterworks. “I’m terrified of him… he makes me feel too much… and I’m terrified of what I become when I’m with him.”
God, I’ve made a mess of myself. I need to compose myself before Davi wakes up. My son doesn’t need another reason to panic.
I place another kiss on the top of his head and go to my bathroom to start getting ready for tonight. Emotionally, mostly.
???
“Davi, don’t mess with my books.” I scold him because my son had the great idea of enhancing his racing track by adding some hills. And for that, my beloved romance paperbacks—discreet covers, of course—were required. “You’re ruining the covers.”
“But, Mommy… brrrrrum… I am busy running cars!”
“Let’s look for something else, ok?” I say to placate him. “Maybe my school supplies containers.”
Whatever is needed to save my beloved smutty library. Yes, I was raised to be a good girl, but I enjoy reading stories that fuel my mischievous side and help me to warm all those lonely nights in my bed.
“Mommy, we need more mountains!” When I return to our living room, Davi instructs me to carry a few plastic containers. “Grandpa told me about this mountain far away where cars can’t go. But mine will. I want a high track to practice!”
Leaving the crates on the coffee table, I turn to my little office to grab more.
It’s almost six in the afternoon, and soon I’ll need to get ready for this date. For now, my attention is focused on my son and making him feel comfortable with the fact I’m going out with a man for the first time since he was born.
The bell rings, and before I can turn to open it, Davi is already running.
