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“I’m not.”
Yeah, you are. You always do that, smile when you don’t feel like it, act like you’re okay when you aren’t. You don’t need to do that, not here.
“I guess I just don’t like people worrying about me. I never feel like I’m pulling my own weight, like I live up to others, so the last thing I want is to give the people around me anything else to worry about. I don’t want to cause more problems than I have.” The sight of the men, all dressed up at the funeral, felt so bittersweet. “I was raised by the best of the best, came from the best bloodlines anywhere, had all the ingredients to make another astounding person, but I always fall short. I feel like an imperfect clone, someone who resembles the original but just can’t quite live up to it.”
I expected Hayden to reassure me, to tell me I was young and all young people didn’t think enough of themselves. I even expected Tor to show me his screen, to tell me I was too hard on myself, that I didn’t see myself right.
What I didn’t expect was for Char to respond, though whatwasn’ta surprise was how the awkward and surly man chose to do it. A sting in my scalp made me turn my head to look up and behind me, to where he still rested against the back of the couch.
“Did you just pull my hair?”
“I sure did. You were thinking stupid things and that’s the price.”
“That’s pretty rude.”
“Yeah, well, we both know I’m rude. Don’t think stupid things and I won’t have to yank on your hair.” The smile he flashed me was almost blinding, almost enough to make my thoughts go hazy. I’d seen his fake smile, knew how charming he could be, but this was different. The smile had an edge to it, a sadness, a sarcasm, but those made it more beautiful. They made it real.
“Thank you,” I whispered, not just to Char but to them all. It was for so much, so many things that I couldn’t even specify them all. It was for how they listened to me, how theysawme, how they gave me the first chance in so long to feel steady.
They weren’t the Quad, but they’d given me a similar feel of security, of a foundation that I’d missed since I’d discovered that my past, my family wasn’t what I’d thought. The day my father shot me, the day my life had gotten torn apart, I’d never thought I’d find myself again, that I’d ever put it back together.
This life was messy, and it was clumsy, and it was patched together from so many broken, sharp pieces, but what I’d found and hobbled together in this house, with these men, was more than I thought I’d ever have again.
* * * *
Kenz
“Isn’t it strange how quickly this has become normal?” Lorien’s voice floated through the line, already familiar, even though I knew it wasn’t his real voice.
“How so?”
“I’ve never had a person I spoke to daily before, yet I find myself looking forward to the evening, to hearing your voice. I fear that I would not sleep well if I didn’t get the chance to speak to you.” His words were sweet, as they often were, but I knew better than to trust that.
I’d grown up seeing Dane play similar games, had witnessed how easily Char could manipulate others with a smile and a few charming words. Still, it was hard not to let it affect me at all.
I really am starving for praise, aren’t I?I tried to ignore how pathetic it was.
“Are you done for the day?”
“Yes,” I told him. “I worked on some paintings earlier.”
“Yes, you have an exhibit coming up, don’t you?”
I shifted, not caring for him knowing that. Then again, there was no doubt he’d done his research on me. Lying served no purpose, so I tried to remind myself of the purpose of these calls. “Yeah, I do.”
“How is it going?”
“Honestly? A bit rough. I went over some old photos, though, to try and find some inspiration. It was suggested to me to go back to the start, to my core, to what made me who I am.”
“Did that help?”
“I think so. I’m not quite there yet, but I feel like for the first time, I see the end.”
“What do you want to do after you graduate?”
“Assuming I get to graduate?”
His laugh was soft, though the voice changer made it strange, slightly unnatural. “If you want to, of course. I know what people say about me, but I’m not a monster. I have no desire to lock you away and dictate your entire life. In fact, I would hope you will continue your education—painting not only makes you happy, but you have a talent for it.”
