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I opened one eye to peek up at him and gave him a smile. “Lying in the grass is self-care. Also, clothes dry, so it’s fine.”
He sighed, but I could tell by the way he did so it was a surrender. Sure enough, he sat beside me. I fought against my desire to laugh.
He got way too embarrassed by things like that, which meant I didn’t need to point out all the times his awkwardness charmed me. He did that all on his own already.
“I can’t believe you dragged us all out here.” Char had grumbled the entire trip, but he’d still come. That seemed pretty normal for the surly man—he often didn’t like things, voiced his displeasure with them, but still went along. I’d learned to ignore him when he behaved like that.
“Some fresh air is good for us,” Vance said and plopped down beside me on the grass area where we’d veered off the hiking path. “We’ve been in that house with little break for a while, now. The last thing we need is to end up going stir-crazy there.”
Tor didn’t say anything, as usual, but I expected him to rest against a rock on the outskirts. He often did that, remained slightly away from the rest of us, which was why it took me by surprise when he came over and sat just above where I had stretched out.
In fact, if I shifted just a bit to the left, I could have set my head in his lap.
And boy was that tempting…
“You’re the only person who could drag me outside like this,” Char said just before something touched my hand. When I glanced down, I found he’d set a water bottle in my hand without saying a word about it.
I sat up, charmed against my better instincts by the way he did such things. He might snap and snarl and bitch at me, but at the same time, he watched out for me in his own way. His kindness might not be easy to see all the time, but it was still there.
If I pointed it out, he’d only offer some sarcastic retort, so I only gave him a smile in thanks before unscrewing the lid and drinking some of the water. It was so refreshing after the long hike, where we’d made our way through the forested area, the humidity making my skin sticky.
Still, it felt nice to stretch my muscles and move around. I’d started to exercise at the house, practiced self-defense whenever I could, but getting to actually go somewhere refreshed my soul in a way that no amount of working out inside could.
“I can’t believe I’ve lived here so long and never knew about this place,” Hayden said.
“That happens when you live somewhere. I lived near San Diego for years but I almost never went to the beach.” I thought back to the few trips we had made before my mother’s death. “I remember one trip. My mother and father were busy—as usual—and I think I complained enough that the Quad gave up trying to ignore me. They brought me to the beach for the day. My sister was in tutoring, so it was just them and me. They set out this big blanket and an umbrella, and no one set up within twenty feet of us. It was hilarious, looking back, because the beach was so packed, but we had this huge ring of space around us.”
“Are they that scary looking?” Hayden asked.
“Yeah, they really are. They just give off this, ‘come close if you want to die,’ vibe. Still, I never really noticed it, probably because I was used to it. Besides, they tried to make up for the fact I couldn’t play with other kids much. I dug a big hole with Rune’s help and we buried Dane in it. Probably not the first time Rune had buried a body.”
I chuckled at my own joke despite knowing it wasn’t really a joke… “We had ice cream and played in the water. I remember near the end when I looked over at another group and saw a kid with her parents. I’d had a moment of envy, where I wondered what it would feel like to be in a real family, to have parents who spent time with me, to be doted on like that. I remember sitting there, feeling sorry for myself, when Colton pointed out someone taking pictures. See, people would walk along the beach and offer their services for taking photos. They had the person come over and do a picture—the Quad and me—and it felt like a real family right then, like since it was in a picture, it made it real.”
I laughed at how simple things had seemed back then. “I kept that picture under my pillow for years, taking it with me no matter how many times I moved, because at the end of the day, they were the only stable thing I ever had in my life, the only people I knew I could call at any time.”
I glanced to the side, seeing the men who surrounded me, and a strange warmth filled my chest. It reminded me of that picture, of the sense of belonging I’d had back then. What did that mean?
It means you love these guys, but you already knew that.
It also meant I felt a sense of family here, especially because just like that beach trip, I had no doubt that my men had gone along with this because I’d wanted it. They hadn’t gone hiking out of some need they’d had, but because I’d asked, and they’d wanted me happy.
I looked down at my water, my cheeks aching as I fought a smile. If they saw that, they’d only laugh at me for it.
“You ready to keep going?” Vance asked as he peered back toward the path. “It’s going to be an uphill hike to get back to the car.”
I shook my head, unwilling to lose this just yet. Sitting out here like this, Lorien wasn’t a problem. They didn’t need their revenge. I didn’t have to think about who I was to the world. It was like when I’d gone to the beach with the Quad, when things had felt normal, when I didn’t feel like I was from a different world from everyone else.
“Can we stay just a little longer?” I asked softly.
Vance bumped his shoulder against mine, then gave me a playful smile. “Sure, Kenz, we can stay.”
And just like that, I didn’t think I ever wanted to leave, to go back to the real world. This fantasy was so much better. If only I could make it real somehow…
* * * *
A few hours later, we neared the parking lot where we had left the car. We’d sat in that clearing for another hour or so before my stomach had rumbled, signaling time for us to head back.
The entire day felt like a dream, like a chance where we’d gotten to just be ourselves. Even Char had laughed a time or two—usually at my expense since he so enjoyed teasing me. Of course, I’d started not minding that. The words that felt cutting before now had a bit of affection in them, as though he had no idea how else to interact with me.
