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“You’re my best friend,” Zee whispered.
Why did that hurt so much? It was the best thing in his life, and yet his selfish body wanted more. “Then you shouldn’t be doing this to me. You have to know what this is for me. Zee—” He tried to breathe. Tried to gather himself. “I fucking love you, and this iskilling me.”
Zee’s expression crumbled. He stared at Ishir for a long time. “I’m so sorry,” he croaked eventually.
Ishir wrapped his arms around his middle. “Yeah.”
“I love you too. You know that, right? It’s not that. I just can’t…”
Ishir laughed humourlessly. “Yeah,” he repeated, the brutally soft sound of defeat.
Zee breathed heavily, shakily, as if he were about to cry. “I’m sorry. Please, Zammy—I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not…” Ishir rubbed his face. “It’s not actually your fault. I didn’t mean to make it sound likeyoudid something tome. I went into this fully aware of what this was, and I still said yes to everything.”
Zee reached out for him, pulling back quickly when Ishir flinched. “Sorry.” They both sat there for a while in that painful quiet. “Are you going to leave?”
Ishir snorted, devoid of amusement. “And go where?”
“I don’t know. Get a different place. Stay with…Bergy.”
“Do you want me to?” It hadn’t really occurred to Ishir, that Zee would be stifled by his love.
“No. No. Please don’t go.” Zee winced. “As in, I don’t want this to ruin us being friends.”
Ishir gave him a wobbly smile. “It won’t.”
Buried beneath the surface of that promise, though, Ishir could feel something broken between them.
He didn’t know if he had the strength to fix it.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Ishir was trapped in skin too tight to manoeuvre in. He was confined, every step ripping at the seams until the impulse to shed the secrets he’d wrapped himself in to fit a mould was unbearable.
He went to Orion a few days later, asking if the offer to help him tell teammates he was gay was still on the table.
“Of course,” Orion answered. “Always.”
He started with some of the Russians, Ishir scared that their culture would make them the most difficult to handle, but Petey and Nicky took it well. They sat at a small table in the arena cafeteria with Orion, Ishir mumbling through his confession, Petey and Nicky looking surprised but not put off.
“Ah. You and Zee,” Petey said, and Ishir had to suffer through the explanation that, no, it was just him. He was in this alone.
Nicky pulled him aside later, appearing more awkward than Ishir had ever seen him. “I am Omega,” the Russian confessed.
Ishir’s jaw dropped. “Huh?”
Nicky shrugged. “Yes. But not strong pheromones. Almost Alpha, feel like sometimes. You share secret, I share secret.”
“Right. Wow. Uh, thanks for telling me,” Ishir stuttered.
Nicky was literally the last person he’d have thought was an Omega. That was probably prejudiced to say, but he was such an…Alpha.
It was nice to know, though—to be one of the people Nicky could be himself with.
Orion helped Ishir tell Corona, Carts, and Ollie next.
“Oh, that’s cool, dude. Thanks for sharing,” Ollie said, ever the veteran. “Don’t listen to anything this guy says about wheeling Alphas,” he joked, nodding at Orion. “He’s absolutely useless.”
