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It was late, but the real reason that I’d run off to take a shower was because I needed the space in between us. That kiss he’d planted on me had me feeling a certain kind of way. It was hard to describe how I felt. The man that I had been talking to for years was now flesh and blood. For so long he was just words on a piece of paper. Now though, it was different. He was here. He hadn’t said really what he was doing here, just that he wanted to see me.
Then, he kissed me. I will be the first to admit that I am so confused. I didn’t know if I was coming or going if I was completely honest. We had talked about so many things, our singlehood and when we dated, how it went. I hadn’t dated anyone in a while and according to his letters, Frank hadn’t either. I just knew that I shouldn’t be thinking about sex with him, but of course that was all I could think about. It was a shame really.
I felt like I was hiding in my bedroom. I was down with the lotion; hair was brushed more than enough, and I was restless. I got up and went to hang my towel up. It usually went on the hook on the back of my door, but he didn’t have to know that. It could be that I did this instead of every night.
My whole body was charged up after I left my room. It wasn’t a long walk to the bathroom from my room, but so help me I could feel it. It was like I was on a stage, and I wanted Frank to see me. I didn’t look toward the guest bedroom, but I had to believe that he was watching me. I knew that he was there, watching. He wanted me. I could feel his desire when we’d kissed. That’s what ran through my head more than anything else.
I was so worried about not looking over at Frank, that I didn’t see that he was getting up and making his way toward the bathroom. When I got out of there after hanging up my towel, I practically walked into him because I wasn’t paying attention. I apologized and he said that it was his fault for springing this all on me. I agreed with the sentiment, but I wasn’t going to say that out loud.
Our eyes met and I moved to the side to let him past me.
“Maybe in the morning we can take your little boat out? It’s going to be too cold to go out much longer.”
I agreed that a little boat ride sounded good. It was just what I thought would be perfect for the two of us. I wanted nothing more than to spend some time alone with him. I was shy now though. In letters I was able to digest them slowly, my preferred speed. Now though, he was right in front of me, begging to be tested.
“Good, I can’t wait. I will see you in the morning, Amber.”
I agreed that I would see him soon and then he shut the door. I just stood there for a time, trying to figure out if I was coming or going with him. Maybe it wasn’t a straightforward answer, but a little of both. That’s what it felt like to me. It felt like he knew that I was now on edge, and he enjoyed it. Was he playing me now?
I went back to the bedroom and tried to get some sleep. I was anxious and full of anticipation. I had no idea how it was going to go tomorrow, but I was ready to see. I would have to move my work around a bit, but I was really looking forward to it. I needed this and I didn’t even know it.
* * *
The next morning,I woke up with the smell of coffee wafting in from the downstairs kitchen. I was confused for a moment, because I didn’t remember that Frank was here and now staying with me. I didn’t know how long he was going to be here; we hadn’t talked about anything. I wanted to know the details today. I could handle the details, whatever they might be. I was worse off with not knowing. That killed me.
At least I thought I could handle the details…
That changed, that confidence was gone when I saw that he wasn’t wearing a shirt when I went downstairs. Frank was wearing a pair of black and red plaid sleep pants that were dangerously low on his hips. His hard chest was bare, broad, and there were a few, sparse, crinkled hairs there as well. I saw some of the tattoos that he had talked about before, some of the scars. I couldn’t take my eyes off him for a moment and when he saw me there, I had to stop. My eyes were glued to his hard body and the hardening length that was in his pants. It took everything in me to look away, and I guess that there was too much written across my face, because I got a sardonic smile. He knew what he was doing to me and from the look on his face, he was eating it up.
I turned away embarrassed, and he asked me if he should put something on. “I don’t want to mess with your delicate sensibilities.”
I scoffed like I saw men half-naked in my kitchen all the time. I didn’t, obviously, but he didn’t know that. Frank didn’t have to know that my love life was not much to write home about. I never had been too comfortable in my own skin and that usually helped when dating. Likely I wrote to him, fell for Frank, because I was able to be myself. I could never be myself when it was face to face. Being able to write what I felt, not being under pressure in his presence, probably made things easier.
I was still trying to get over the fact that he was here to begin with. He didn’t share what happened the night before, just that he wanted to see me, but could it just be that? Did he really come all this way to see me? Why did I feel so mushy just thinking that’s the case? And if he had come just for me, now what?
That question kept playing in my head and his body on display was helping my mind come up with a few options. They were the sort of options that were hard to shake, no matter how much I tried. “Do you want breakfast or are you just going to stare me down for a while?” Frank asked with a smile. I don’t think my face could get any redder than it was, so I didn’t answer. He thought that it was all hilarious, and I wanted to melt into the carpet with embarrassment.
Sitting down, he offered me coffee and breakfast. He knew what I liked, what I wanted in my coffee, and it was nice to have a guy that actually paid attention. It wasn’t like I wanted him to, but we had been writing back and forth for years. I still couldn’t believe he was here, but the coffee was perfect, like I’d made it myself.
“How long have you been up?”
Frank shrugged. “You know that I don’t sleep very much. I still don’t, even when the bed is as comfortable as it is in there.”
Frank had trouble sleeping because of dreams that seemed to never let him forget about them. I worried that he would have an even more difficulty now that he was away from home and his friends from the military that he still saw. It was strange because in one way I knew every in and out of him, and in another, I’d only met him a few hours ago and he’d already stayed in my house. It was a weird feeling, knowing and the unknown.
Our eyes met and he asked me how I was feeling. I felt shy and I finally just said the truth, I didn’t know how I was supposed to act. I felt off in all ways and he just had this huge smile on his face that I couldn’t shake. Why was he smiling at me like that?
“You’re beautiful, you know that, right?”
He said it with an awe sound to his voice and it made me believe what he said. I wanted to think that, for him to think that, but on the other hand, I was so worried about what was supposed to happen now. How long was he going to be here?
“So, you must give me some details. I didn’t even know you were coming, Frank. What are your plans?”
He gave me a look, then shrugged. “I haven’t thought that far ahead. I had some time off and they were forcing me to take it. I could only think of one place that I wanted to go, and it was here with you. I have a lot of time off, so I don’t know how long. I guess it all depends,” Frank explained reasonably.
“I’m glad you are here,” I burst out before I could stop myself. I was glad to see him. I had thought about him for so long and he was just as cute and nice as I thought he would be. He even made me breakfast. How was I supposed to go from being single, to having a guy live with me, a perfect guy that looked like Frank and made me breakfast?
“This is weird, huh?”
