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Not right away, of course. I was too young. But it was the catalyst. Because I knew when I acted a certain way, Jadereacted. And as I grew older, and started testing all her reactions to my actions, it got worse. I became more ruthless as a man. My actions toward her were good, but I was becoming bad.
And then she started dating Ethan. That’s when everything I did that involved her turned black and poisoned. Manipulative, and with only one goal in mind; to make her mine.
“I’ve loved you forever, Jade. I know I did the wrong things to get you. I know I hurt those around me. You and Ethan. I did unforgivable things to you and innocent people, but it didn’t matter to me. It still doesn’t. I would do it all over again if it means it gets you right here, in my arms. Sono,you don’t get to tell me whether I love you or not, or if I’m allowed to say it. I’m in love with you. Don’t ever fucking test me on it again.”
I shift to drop a kiss on her forehead, but she’s the one who looks up, puts her hands on either side of my face, and presses her swollen lips against mine.
She whimpers, probably from the pain, but when I try to pull away, she holds me close. Her tongue licks the seam of my mouth, and I open for her, letting her take everything she needs.
Jade Alva can take anything she desires from me. My heart? Stolen. My sanity? She obliterated it a long time ago. Take my body, my soul, the very base of my existence.
Fuck, she doesn’t even have to ask, I’ll hand it all to her. On a silver platter encrusted with diamonds and anything else she wishes.
She pulls away and softly falls back, flat on her feet. I’m frozen in place, waiting for her to say it back.
That she loves me.
That despite what I did, she understandswhy. That loving her made me crazy and unhinged and I didn’t have a say in it.
I count the seconds. One. Two. Three.
I drop my chin on the top of her head again. Maybe if I don’t look in her eyes expectantly, she won’t feel the pressure, and it’ll just come out.
Tick. Tock.Six.
By ten, I understand it’s not coming. And I do my best to not hold it against her.
I must give her time.
I try my hardest to hold down the rage, the disappointment, the heartbreak.
It’s hard when I see Ethan approaching the house through the window.
I swallow through my tight throat. I’ve been jealous of my brother many times in my life. Envious of the times he could touch the woman I love obsessively. For the moments she shared with him and not with me.
But nothing has ever quite felt like this. Knowing that she is in love with him, that she said it to him again yesterday, that he got to hear those words over and over again coming from her mouth.
I never did.
I’m still waiting.
And who knows how much longer I’ll wait.
The life expectancy on the North Shore is low. I’m turning twenty-two at the end of the month, and I can’t help thinking; will I die before I hear those words from Jade?
“Ethan’s back,” I murmur, watching my brother coming to our porch covered in blood.
The fact that he’s never gotten caught doing what he does is a straight up miracle.
Jade comes alive again, twisting in my hold and forcing me to let go of her. She runs to the door, ignoring her bruised ribs and struggling to breathe. She’s opening it before he can even do it himself, and she hugs him despite the blood dripping from his clothing.
“Oh my god,” she whimpers. “I was so worried for you.”
My eyes drop to Vickie’s dead body, and I walk to our kitchen, through the door that leads to the basement, and slowly down the stairs.
I’m met with Lea’s cries.
“Please…Elliot. I’m sorry I hurt her.” She puts her hands in front of herself. She’s probably terrified because she heard the gunshot upstairs. “I’ll make it right by her. I’ll do anything. Please, I’m sorry.”
