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“You do and you are,” Phoebe says.
“Argh, I hate you all right now.” I throw my hands up in the air.
“You love us. So, just tell us how big, and we’ll leave it at that. Won’t mention he who shall not be named for the rest of the night,” Charlie says.
“Fine, it’s big, huge, like I’ve never seen anything like it before.” I hold up my hands, separating them in an effort to show my friends an estimated size.
Four sets of eyes bug out in response. “You need a shrink, because there is something not right in that brain of yours if you haven’t jumped on that yet,” Nicole says while gesturing to my hands.
I roll my eyes at her and shake my head as I drop my palms to the table.
“You don’t need a shrink,” Charlie says. She’s the only one of our friends who knows my real history. She also knows just how many hours I’ve spent in a shrink’s office talking about the things my mom did to me over the years. “But you do need to jump on that D. ASAP.”
“Sure, I’ll get right on that,” I say, knowing full well that I have no intention ofjumping on Liam’s D. Not now or ever. That doesn’t mean I can’t think about it, though, right? I mean, I’m already anticipating going home and getting out my buzzing toy, closing my eyes, and thinking about just how good Liam would feel on top of me. In me.
I look at the empty cup sitting on the table. What the hell kind of potion was in that thing? I will not be thinking about Liam King while I masturbate. Well, I probably won’t.
Argh, maybe I need to find someone else to date. I don’t know when exactly I’ll find the time, but surely someone in this city can stand me long enough to get to my third-date rule. The only reason I’ve been having a dry spell is because I’ve met two guys who’ve made it to date number two in the last six months. All the others dropped out of the running before date number one was halfway through.
I might be a tad picky—okay, I’m a lot picky. But I don’t want to date a dud. I want someone who will treat me right. I just want to feel that all-encompassing passion that drives you wild and has you throwing caution to the wind. The kind of ride-or-die love between Harley Quinn and the Joker, just with a little less crazy.
I don’t think that kind of love is actually in the cards for me though. I’m just not all that lovable. I know my father loves me, my brothers too. But that’s different. There’s something wrong with a child whose own mother couldn’t love her, right? There has to be. Why else would she have done the things she did to me? She never treated my brothers with such animosity.
“Let’s get out of here.” Charlie squeezes my hand and gives me the look. She knows where my thoughts have gone, that dark place that I try really hard to never go back to.
“Sounds like a good plan.” I smile, silently thanking her for the distraction.
This is why I love her. She might be pushy when it comes to certain things, like getting me to bang Liam King. But she’s patient, she’s kind,andshe’s understanding about the important stuff. Always has been. I remember when I was in the hospital after the last time I saw my mother. Charlie demanded that her father bring her to see me, and when she finally got to my room, she climbed onto my bed and curled up next to me. She didn’t say anything, just clung to me as we both cried silent tears. Our fathers watched us from a distance. I don’t think either of them knew what to do.
“Let’s hit up Jay’s,” Nicole, who is already staggering on two feet, says as we exit the wine bar.
“Jay’s? I don’t know, guys. It’s late,” I say. I really don’t feel up to doing a nightclub.
“Come on, Lia, we haven’t been out dancing in ages. I need you to come, because these three will just go and find themselves men for the night and leave me behind,” Phoebe says.
“You could find yourself a man too,” Charlie tells her.
“I don’t need a man. Or want one.” Phoebe doesn’t date a lot. She’s more like me and prefers to stay in rather than go out and socialize.
“Fine, but I’m not staying late,” I tell her.
“Deal.” She grins.
“Woohoo! Let’s pretend we’re twenty-one again, get white-girl wasted, and make really bad decisions,” Charlie hollers while throwing an arm in the air.
“Remind me again why we’re friends with her?” I ask Amanda.
“Because we couldn’t get rid of her if we tried, so we might as well accept it.” She laughs.
We all pile into the back of the car provided by Charlie’s family. It’s the only way her brothers let her leave the house. If she doesn’t take one of their drivers, AKA soldiers, along with her, then they’ll lock her in. I’ve seen them do it too. Don’t get me wrong, I think my brothers would try that themselves… if they didn’t think it’d break me down mentally.
Being locked in any room freaks me out. Gotta love childhood trauma, right?
It doesn’t take long before we’re walking into Jay’s. Charlie’s driver leading the way, his bulky shoulders creating a clear path for us to follow behind him. We all grab a drink from the bar and then head straight to the dance floor. I throw back the vodka soda I ordered way faster than I usually would. But I need to let loose. If I’m stuck in here with a crowd of people I don’t know, I need to relax, and alcohol will help with that. The buzz starts to run through my body and I feel good, really good. I’m dancing with Phoebe when I look behind me to see all three of our other friends grinding on some poor, helpless man.
“How do they just do that?” I ask Phoebe. I can’t imagine letting go and grinding on someone I don’t know. It seems so easy for them. Although I could imagine grinding on a certain hockey player I shouldn’t be thinking about at all. “Never mind. I need another drink,” I yell into Phoebe’s ear before walking in the direction of the bar.
I lean over the sticky counter and raise my voice to order my drink from the bartender. Just as I turn around to head back to Phoebe, a guy approaches me. His eyes rake up and down my body. He’s good looking, and I can tell by the pull of his lips that he knows it. Clean shaven, a sculpted jaw, cheekbones people pay a great deal of money to have. And piercing green eyes.
