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“I want to repair my relationship with Aria, not that bastard.”
“Let’s focus on one person at a time. If she’s going to rebel against you and see him regardless, then I suggest you meet him halfway and bridge the gap between you both.” He then shared a famous quote. “… It’s one of my favorite lines from Sun Tzu’s bookThe Art of War. He was a Chinese general and an influential author…” Grey cleared his throat and smiled. “Not that you need the history lesson.”
“So, you mean to say I should keep my friends close and my enemies closer?”
“Yes, exactly. Essentially, if you establish a closer relationship with Evan, you can keep a better eye on himandAria.”
“Thanks for sharing the wisdom.”
“It’s what you pay me for.” He grinned.
I lay back and fixed my eyes on the ceiling again. That nagging craving to light up and smoke wouldn’t go away.
“Are you all right, Noah?”
“Yeah, I just really need a cigarette at the moment.”
“You’ve started smoking again?”
“Yes.”
The sound of his fountain pen rolled over the notepad. “Share your thoughts,” Grey said. “I won’t interrupt you.”
Sighing, I forced myself to get through the therapy session. “I suppose I should get you caught up on the latest drama between me and Aria… So, I’ll rewind three weeks to Monday afternoon when she and I got into an argument over Vanessa.” I paused and retrieved the memory. “Long story short… she gave me an ultimatum to choose between her or my wife. When I didn’t tell her what she wanted to hear, she left the house and drove off. I wanted to go after her, but Vanessa had told me not to. She didn’t know what we were arguing about. I couldn’t tell her the truth.
“Anyway, I backed off and gave Aria some space, trusting that she wouldn’t do anything reckless. But as the hours passed, I kept worrying, so I called her friend since my daughter refused to answer my calls and texts. Jessica didn’t know where she was—which seemed like a big, fat lie. I know the rules of friendship: you don’t snitch on each other. But anyway, by 10p.m., my every instinct told me to get in my car and drive to Ryan Taylor’s house.
“I was dreading the possibility of her drinking, doing drugs, or having sex just to get back at me for hurting her. I don’t trustRyan or his intentions, even thoughI’mthe one who’s the actual demon here.” I exhaled. “He could have easily taken advantage of her. I just wanted to put my concerns to rest. When I decided to find her, she finally texted me and told me she was okay and would be home by eleven. But she ended up coming home about half an hour late. I wouldn’t have made such a big deal about it… I guess I was just jealous she had been with Ryan all evening and was answering me with pretentious, rhetorical questions when I wanted to talk.
“Her poor attitude pissed me off and caused us to argue again that night. My wife had overheard us and got involved, which inevitably led her to go ballistic on Aria. It was almost a cat fight. Vanessa had called her an ‘ungrateful, little brat,’ and Aria called her ‘a materialistic, fake bitch.’ My wife lost it even more and insulted her by saying she was an ‘attention whore.’ At that point, I had to step in and prevent my daughter from scratching Vanessa’s eyes out.
“I know Nessa was only trying to help me discipline Aria, but everything just got worse. Aria lost her temper and kept running her mouth off at Nessa. It was out of character for her. I had no choice but to side with my wife and ground my daughter. She told me I could do no such thing because she’s ‘no longer a child.’ I clarified that while she’s living undermyroof, she must abide bymyrules. Therefore, I had every right to enforce consequences.
“The altercation further escalated when Vanessa confiscated Aria’s laptop, iPod, and cellphone. I think taking her iPod was a little extreme, but I said nothing and tried to get into ‘daddy mode.’ I knew I’d give her gadgets back eventually, but I had to be supportive of my wife’s decision. Aria expected me to jump to her defense, but I was so pissed off at her for ignoring my calls and staying at Ryan’s house. My fatherly instincts were more dominant in the heat of the moment.
“I tried to explain that to her the next day when I drove her to school, but she gave me the silent treatment throughout the car ride. It was extremely unpleasant, and I hated having to go to work feeling hurt and disappointed in myself. She refused to understand and wouldn’t talk to me. I hate silent treatments, you know? It triggers me and reminds me of the not-so-pleasant times in my childhood. My mother wasinfamousfor giving me and my siblings the silent treatment.”
I stopped talking and looked at Grey, hoping he would interrupt me. I didn’t want to speak about my mother. But all I got was: “Hmm” and “Go on.”
“Her coldness toward me made me feel unloved as a child. Who ignores their eight-year-old kid for days, just because they were misbehaving?Mymother did, and all my emotional issues started from there. I remember apologizing and constantly begging her forgiveness, but she remained an eternal bitch until she felt I had learned my lesson. The old woman was proud and sadistic—still is. She takes pleasure in other people’s pain. Of course, we later found out she had postpartum depression… Still didn’t take my suffering away.
“If I ever have another child, I’d never treat them the way she treated me, Isaac, and Breanne. If my children were to misbehave, then they’d get time-outs—and I’d make sure to explain why I made them take a time-out. I’d always hug them and tell them I love them. I would never scream profanities at them or spank them. I would never become like my mother.”
The agonizing sound of a little boy crying echoed in my mind as I fought to push back the memory. I didn’t want to remember. I didn’t want to reflect on all the ways my mother had failed me.
“Anyway, Doc”—I sat up and stretched—“I don’t want to think aboutsweet Mama Hunter.” I fixed my eyes on the grandfather clock and tried to sort through my thoughts. I had to figure out a way to get through to Aria. I screwed myself overthe second I let my guard down and abandoned my self-control. I never should have crossed any lines with her. I never should have kissed her on that Ferris wheel. But I couldn’t stop myself. How could I possibly balance being a father and a lover to her at the same time? After all these events, she felt betrayed by me, which explained why weren’t talking now.
Dr. Grey jotted some things down in his trusty notepad and readjusted his black-framed glasses before he asked, “Have you been intimate with your wife as of late?”
Hearing him say those words provoked a sense of shame in me. I was never prepared for his random questions, but I was thankful he had dropped the subject of my mother.
“I stopped sleeping with Vanessa after Aria and I kissed at the festival. We haven’t had sex until a few days ago. As you know, my wife and I have been experiencing marriage problems, but I’ve screwed us up even more.” Leaning forward, I hung my head down, resting my elbows over my knees.
“Your dishonesty complicates things,” Grey commented.
“Believe me, I hate myself much more than you hate me right now.”
“I don’t hate you, Noah. I empathize with what you’re going through. You’re in a complicated situation. I was worried boundaries were crossed when you told me Aria was trying to seduce you. Honestly, I’m not surprised.”
